April Showers of Random Info

OH my, hello there little neglected blog. So much to say but April has sneaked by on fleeting tip-toe and I can hardly keep track. Hate to be so abrupt, but that seems to be a theme in my life lately... stripping it down. Getting to basics. Moving forward erratically at break-neck speed. Therefore, I must sum up in bullet points:

• Finally got taxes done, April 14th. That is SO LATE for me. However, after going through business deductions and volunteer work, I do have a small amount coming to me from our friends at the Federal offices. Thank the gods, because we could use a little cash.


• Marine Mammals aplenty!! My hours at the center continue to accrue, and I've gotten pretty damn quick at being able to handle the elley seal pups as needed. However, I still stay away from sea lions, as they are quick and nasty tempered.


• Zoo Gnus! I've been working with Enrichment, creating required toys and tools for the animals health and enjoyment. In May, I've volunteered for Bear Medical team for the Bearnstine Bears event. Um... not to worry, those bears are stuffed. I'll be wearing scrubs, but I'll only be mending fabric and faux fur.


• Kitten Season! Helping out Milo's Sanctuary, I'm currently fostering 4 4-week old kittens. My every waking hour seems focused on preparing food, feeding, wiping bottoms, doing poopy laundry and washing bottles and dishes. I'm WORN OUT! I don't know how you Moms of human children do this for more than a few weeks. YIKES!

• Lastly- NEW HAIR... or the lack thereof. Yep, I did it... went bald. Now I just need to work out constantly and never eat again if I want to look like Demi in G. I. Jane.

Another Month Gone By

Ladies, you know that day or two before your period starts? The ones when you are so exhausted you can barely lift the brownie to your lips?? *sigh* I’m having one of those. I just slept 10 hours straight and I still can barely find the energy to make it down a flight of stairs. Seeing how I live on the second floor, I better remedy that if I want to make it to the car. I must put money in the bank today.

Last week was vivacious, if not a little perilous. Wednesday, I had a dental appointment (oh joy), followed by driving a friend to LAX (more joy), which apparently had some unusual explosions around it later that night (not to worry, has not been determined to be terrorist.) Thursday, I pulled a double shift at the Marine Mammal Center. That is good for the little elephant seal pups, but bad for the tendinitis in my elbow. Friday I worked all day at the dance studio, then fought rush hour for 2 hours to go to dinner with some friends. Oddly enough, even hours of making herring milkshakes for pinnipeds has not tarnished my love of sushi. Late Friday, I picked up Tag from the airport (Burbank this time, which is far less likely to burst into flame.) Early Saturday, we reported to the Zoo for a full day of smiling volunteer goodness. I am proud to report that Tag has passed his LA Zoo Docent final exam, and next week will have graduation ceremonies. YAY!!

Can’t believe March is already ending! Out like a lamb indeed, slipping past the gates nearly unnoticed.

Hoping for a Breeze

She lives. She returns. She posts.

I wish that after a 3- 4 week absence I could say something wildly insightful and deliciously moving... but alas, I find that the old adage is true. The hardest part of each endeavor is the beginning, and I have spent the last month feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole "change my life" plan.

I am working with Walking in the World, the sequal to The Artist's Way. As such, I get up each morning and handwrite pages in my journal. I'm still working on the "weekly walk" part. I find that one of the arts that is really coming up for me right now is photography. I've always loved experimenting with it, but it has been years since I had a really good camera to play with. I'm trying to let myself explore colors and images... but one of my favorite joys is to take the camera to the zoo and see if I can capture a good shot of the animals.

I was accepted as a volunteer at the LA Zoo. Have gone through my training and can begin acquiring hours as soon as I get back a negative TB test result and have my fingerprints done. Additionally, I was included as part of a behind the scenes tour of the Long Beach Aquarium. Got to go above the tanks and feed the fish. But more excitedly, spoke with a gentleman who is charge of volunteer coordination, and will be in further touch with him in order to begin volunteering in the Animal Husbandry department down there. Next Monday, I'm going to an Orientation at the San Pedro Marine Mammal Care center. I still need to fill out my application paperwork in order to volunteer for Best Friend's local adoptions.

On Tuesdays, I spend my day at the Soultree Motion corporate offices, helping Dirt organize and update the "new direction" for the dance studio. Tuesday nights, I still teach my class. These activities are the only ones that bring in money, so far. The financial situation is survivable, but definately challenging and a wee bit stressful.

I heard back from school... My application materials were recieved and I have cleared the "5 pre-req" hurdle. YAY! I am now officially "in the running" for the 2008 class. There's informational meetings in March, and the list of those accepted will be released in May. Until then, I'm on pins and needles, and trying to get as many animal hours in with my various volunteering spots.

The ever-changing Southern California weather is driving my sinuses batty. The cats seem happier with someone home more of the time. Truffles is enjoying the nip in the air, and throws his jingling bunny-ball around in a one-man volleyball game most mornings around 7am. In short, life is continuing to move forward, although sometimes it is a maddeningly-slow pace.

I dream of sitting in the jungle, observing the great apes. I long to own a Nikon D-80, so that I might capture wild untamed life, abundant on savannah plains in Africa. I want to get SCUBA certified, so that I can dive at the aquarium.

So many plans, hopes, and dreams. It is hard to focus in all directions at once, pushing each a little bit. Like running with several kites behind me, waiting for the Universe to blow a swift wind under the "right" one.

Flurry

I've had so much on my mind, and such the urge to write, but the laptop never seems to be nearby when I'm feeling eloquent... and the time I do spend on a computer (work) is wasted on scheduling and SAP. So instead of several eloquent posts, each dedicated to a single event - you get a bullet point list to summarize the flurry of activity.

• First of all, HAPPY WEDDING DAY to Slackmistress & Be The Boy. Their Detective Agency is finally "official" (and, I actually had time to watch it on the live webcast. She looked beautiful.)
• Speaking of blissful couples, Tag and I celebrated our one year anniversary yesterday. *grin* Well, actually we're celebrating it tonight, with a couple of tickets to the Loreena McKennitt concert.
• The Griffith Park fire- yes, Tag and I and the kitties are ok, as is our domicile. However, we were far closer that I ever want to be to another raging inferno. My breath caught in my throat as I stood on our street corner, watching an endless stream of cars of the evacuated citizens who lived a mere 2 -3 blocks north of us. The skies were never dark that night. They glowed deep red, or bright orange, depending on the fire's intensity. We slept to the overpowering sound of constant helicopters as news crews kept watch all night. And we awoke at 4am coughing, finding our bedroom filled with smoke. (We have no air conditioning, and so we have open windows and fans. Not great for breathing when 800 acres are burning less than a mile away). Thanks to a diligent and tireless firefighting force, the Zoo and several other landmarks were saved. Sadly there was still a great loss of wilderness and wildlife. The cause is still not officially released, but a "badly burned person of interest" was being treated for burns on his chest and arms. According to his story, he fell asleep while smoking. I'm working on tempering my outrage towards him, so instead of beating him about his burned torso, I'm just going to post today's PSA image:

*image courtesy of The Fireman. He so rocks!

• Lastly, this link was sent to me earlier today. That's right ladies... a shoe sale whose proceeds go to charity. Now you can dress those tootsies in your favorite designers GUILT-FREE!

That's it for today my dears.... Tag is here, and so I'm headed out the door and off to our evening events.

Pouncing Anxiety

For more than half my life, my winters (specifically January and February) have been plagued with a diagnosed bout of depression. It hangs on, unwelcome, like the cloying scent of decay, and is terribly annoying to boot. My physical body aches and spasms, my sleep & eating patterns go out the window. I become irritable and moody.

Knowing that this is a biological cycle, I do what I can to fight it. Try to watch what I eat and drink, keep an eye on whether or not my response to any stimulator is ‘overly dramatic’ or otherwise unwarranted. I don’t like to think of myself as a depression “sufferer” but more one who trudges through the slime and muck and arrives eventually on the other side.

However, in the last few years, my winter visitor has come hand in hand with a new friend, Paranoia. I find myself questioning motivation for each comment addressed to me, as well as constantly checking myself in the mirror for what may have gone horribly wrong since last look. (and yes, I'm speaking of something more than just fresh zits or spinach in my teeth.) Each car behind me is either ‘undercover police’ or ‘intentionally harassing me’. Hang ups on the phone are stalkers trying to find me. Each ache and pain is sign and symptom of some incurable malady. My emails are being monitored; my bank account is being secretly hacked. It’s hell on my nerves, and even more of a drain on the folks around me.

*sigh*

BUT… even in the darkness, there are moments of light and joy. Just last weekend, Tag and I decided to celebrate his birthday with a visit to our local zoo. It was rainy and cold, and thus there were few folks meandering about. We headed to the snow leopard cage, hoping that the darkened winter weather would have aroused them from their usual mid-day slumber. Sure enough, they were not only alert and out in the open, they were in the mood to play. Upon hearing us approach, one of the young males climbed to a vantage point in his habitat and readied a pounce. Seeing him, I dove behind a bush and rustled the dry leaves on the ground. Intrigued, we watched each other for a moment before I sprang out and ran down the path. Inside his enclosure, he ran the corresponding length of his cage. I doubled back and so did he, and when we reached our starting point, I flopped slightly sideways in submission, and he did similarly, with a big cat “chuff”, clearly proud of himself.

The moment lightened my spirit and reminded me that this life I’m currently living…. 9 – 5 at a desk 5 days a week, is not one that I’m truly meant for. I need outside time and interaction with animals. I want to attend school again, and move forward in a way that feels so fitting. I want to talk with the animals, walk with the animals… play hard and live big. Perhaps when I finally fully inhabit the life I’m intended for, these winter doldrums will ease their hold on me.

Living is achieved in the same way that depression is conquered- one day at a time. Moving ever forward, not sitting and waiting it out. Fighting and winning small battles each day. Getting up and getting dressed, when you really just want to pull the covers over your head. *sigh* WOW… this little pep talk is nauseating even me.

What can I say? It’s January, almost February… and I’ve never really liked that time of year. I’m grouchy and nasty-tempered, in pain and in a lousy mood. However, I remain ever thankful for a love that stands beside me, and pouncy moments at the zoo.

Peace out my lovlies.... go do something fun with your day!