I was shopping in a mall, when I came across a toy. She was the latest from the "Pretty Little Princess" line. About the size of a Care Bear, with a face reminiscent of a Fraggle (and if you don't know what either of those is, fuck off... you are clearly too young to be reading this blog.) She was a beautiful blend of lavender and teal.
Her name was "Princess Battle Sword" and she came with a purple plastic long sword strapped in a sheath on her back. You could put back her arm (oddly enough, she was a lefty) over her head and her built-to-grip soft plastic hand would click into place around the hilt of the sword. Then with a press of a button, her arm would thrust forward, unsheathing the sword and holding it aloft as her little song played.
"You must die
Die on your sword.
Glory in the battle
is the highest reward
You can kill
for what you believe.
Honor, Might & Power
are what you must achieve."
(it's a catchy little tune. I awoke singing it. Am singing it still, disturbing as it is.)
I also remember noting on the box, that she was "For Children, 3 - 6yrs."
WFT, night brain? No, seriously.... What.The.Fuck?