Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Choices

One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.-- Eleanor Roosevelt

The prospect of being unemployed is not one that fills me with a great deal of comfort. However, the actions of others around me (here at the office) have confirmed that my resignation was ABSOLUTELY the best choice for me to make. Alice in Wonderland once said, "I do not want to go amongst mad people," and believe me, I could not echo her sentiments more resolutely.

As the news of my departure leaks its way through the department, and then the company, many have approached to ask where my path is heading. I can give no answer other than, "I don't know... but sure as hell not here." An overwhelming abundance of choices are spread before me and I could pick any and do well.

However, some choices are not made with the mind, but with the heart, or the soul, or the very essence that drives you. I tell others that I don't know where I'm headed, but that's not entirely true. I know that my future must contain working with animals, and preferably working outside. Too long have I sat 10 - 12 hours at a time, in front of a computer, ignoring the fact that the sun rises and sets and I don't have a moment to get outdoors. Too long have I smiled and played "nice" within the snake pit of office politics. And for what? As Amandarin pointed out not long ago, "No one is ever going to reach their deathbed and find themselves wishing they'd spent more time at work." I'm pursing returning to school. I'm looking at nearby possibilities. And of course, I'm still reaching for my heart's mission.

One night, I was scouring the web, researching opportunities and I found myself weeping for all the lost years. I turned to Tag and said, "How did I get to be 36 without even KNOWING these jobs were out there?" To which he responded, "The good news is... you're only 36, and you know now."

Eleanor is right. This process takes an entire lifetime, and I'm not done yet. If I am truly in charge of shaping my life, then let me grab the sculptor's tools and create a reality I'm proud to call my own. Let me choose to be happy and fulfilled. Let me make the choices that make a difference.

4 comments:

sabina said...

it's funny how we trap ourselves into thinking our lives are almost over, when really there is time to do anything. i'm so excited for you.

oh the places you'll go. :)

Jennifer (she said) said...

I am excited for you! And proud of you for doing what feels right. At 35, I am also asking myself some questions about what I really want to do. I have played out the death bed scenario where I think about all of the time I spent dealing with academic bs and no, it didn't bring me a lot of happiness. And yes, I had regrets. So. Now it's planting seeds, growing my dream (a dream from childhood - when I grow up, I want to be an artist) and realizing that I am really able to contribute SO MUCH to others when I am doing something that makes me feel joyful. At 35, I also really appreciate your friend's comment. Say thanks for me :-) Here is to following our hearts. And here are some good vibes to help you take care of any of the other stuff (like bills, etc.) along the way. Thank you so much for sharing your choice. It's helpful to think about when I feel afraid.

Jennifer

The Bizza said...

I can relate to how you feel. I'll be sending positive vibes your direction and living vicariously through your triumphs.

sundaycynce said...

Gotta love Tag and his wisdom. May your seeking be successful beyond your wildest hopes and may this 36th year be the beginning of a happy and proud new you.
Love you!