Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Fragile situation, indelicate hands

Sometimes, we come to a point, where we must walk away, for our own good. And what we leave behind is an ever changing mystery that you can analyze to death and never have confirmation that anything you are thinking is correct.

I cannot pretend to know what he is experiencing regarding his family issues. As to his current situation here, I can remember what I felt when I was in the similar one, but that doesn't mean that I "know" how it feels for him.

Of my many words, the phrase "emotional lockdown" seemed to resonate with him, and I feel it best conveys what my experience is, over here on the other side of the conversation. He's living in this perpetual glossy 'nothing bothers me' shine, which is great, if it's true, but something about it rings in my gut like a cheaply made wall, thrown up in a hurry, and only getting thicker with constant inquisistion.

Where does the difference lie between 'detachment' and 'denial'? How can I practice one, without living in the other? Until I have answers to these questions, I'm best served by remaining a distance from the fray. Until I have the cool head of a battlefield surgeon, I shouldn't be dealing in bloody matters of life and death... lest i do further damage just trying to elicit some response.

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you

If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your heart for two

- depeche mode

No comments: