Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Sometimes My Tries are Outside the Lines

Picture me in a house with no lights on, soaking in salts blessed in ritual, doing what my friends call "the bathtub cry." A safe place when tears can sink into suds and no one knows the wiser. Looking at my life and wondering just how many mistakes one can cram in to 34 years of living.

Makes it a little hard to just get up and keep going the next morning, I tell ya.

And then on the ride in, I hear a song. Oh, I've heard it before....dozens of times. It's LA radio, they play the same 25 songs in constant rotation. However, today, I caught it right at the beginning, and it spoke to me, silly as it is....and as I pulled into the garage at work, I was singing along, rejuvinated (and just a little bit hopeful) once more.


I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition,
sometimes my tries are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way



Josephine said...

That's funny, because about 7 months ago, before winter set in and autumn was still shining and 80 degrees, I was trying to decide whether or not I should quit my job and take a very bold chance on a new career.

It's a scary move for someone with no savings and who needs insurance.

And this song came on the radio one day as I was driving when I should have been at work, and once the moment had passed, I had made my decision.

To be brave, to take a chance and make a change. No matter what conventional wisdom would have told me to do.

Mardougrrl said...

You know I've never heard this song, but I like the lyrics very much. You know that you are delightfully open-ended, right? And that possibility is amazing. :)

Jennifer (she said) said...

I like this - We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way. How perfect for what you were feeling in the tub. The bathrub is a perfect place for crying. I hope you're feeling a little better today. Can this be my new mantra? The line above? I'm not really sticking to the whole embracing my fear thing. Maybe I need to say that differently.?

Jennifer said...

the bathTub works really well too :-)