Today.... for no explainable reason, I awoke singing to myself. Not entirely odd. However, it was my song choice that defies reason.
I was singing "Luckenbach, Texas", by Waylon Jennings.
!!!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?
The last time I heard that song, was on a cassett tape, in my parents old VW Bus, on a roadtrip back from my Great-Grandmother's. I was probably... um.... 5 or 6(if that).
I would like to think that there's a great message out there that the Universe is sending me... but SERIOUSLY..... Luckenbach, Texas!?!?!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Cool Change
While all of Southern California suffered one of the nastiest heat spells in 100 years, I adventured in Catalina amidst boaters and bison. Must admit that while the island in the west was also balmy, the change of scenery (and close companionship of my darlin Tag) kept me fairly cool & recouperating throughout the weekend.
But WOW, lemme tell ya..... It's HARD to return to the desk when your mind is still on island time.
*sigh*
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Permission to feel Joy now Granted
In a little under 12 hours, I go to meet my love at the airport. In 24 hours, we will be on our way to an island getaway. Butterflies in my stomach, bounce in my step, the tremendous urge to close my eyes and dream.
The practical side of my brain screams that the house is a mess; dishes not done, trash in the cans. My hair is not the color I was hoping for. My eldest cat seems to have gotten ear mites. The weather is still unbearably hot.
Despite a million little pinpricks in the balloon, I cannot be deflated though. I continue to glide and twirl and spin- a combination ballroom tango dancer and giddy 4-yr old girl.
And even as I type this, a voice inside says “Oh… *scoff* that’s just silly.”
And another cries out “Hush up! It’s OK to feel this way!!! ”
I don’t want to stay on task today. I want to eat cupcakes and giggle. I want to dress up girlie.
I want to brush my hair 100 times until it shines, and then put on my favorite lip gloss. Paint my nails pink, and spin till my skirt flies out like a tutu.
If the me from a year ago ran into the me today, she’d simultaneously mock me and envy me. OH how far have we come!
And yet, as happy as I am, I have to keep reminding myself…. “it’s OK to feel this way!!” strange huh? How our brains will fight against joy. What is that, and where does it come from?
Do you ever have days where you’re scared to be excited? Do you ever stop the free flowing stream of bliss, because you’re not sure it’s yours? And if so…. How do you stop that? How do you open your heart and allow…. no… “Permit”… give permission to yourself to feel amazing?
Apparently… I blog. And having done this, I’m now going release anything attempting to block my happiness. I’m going to open my arms wide and embrace this bouncy glowing feeling, just as I will embrace my dearest tonight at the airport. *grin*
The practical side of my brain screams that the house is a mess; dishes not done, trash in the cans. My hair is not the color I was hoping for. My eldest cat seems to have gotten ear mites. The weather is still unbearably hot.
Despite a million little pinpricks in the balloon, I cannot be deflated though. I continue to glide and twirl and spin- a combination ballroom tango dancer and giddy 4-yr old girl.
And even as I type this, a voice inside says “Oh… *scoff* that’s just silly.”
And another cries out “Hush up! It’s OK to feel this way!!! ”
I don’t want to stay on task today. I want to eat cupcakes and giggle. I want to dress up girlie.
I want to brush my hair 100 times until it shines, and then put on my favorite lip gloss. Paint my nails pink, and spin till my skirt flies out like a tutu.
If the me from a year ago ran into the me today, she’d simultaneously mock me and envy me. OH how far have we come!
And yet, as happy as I am, I have to keep reminding myself…. “it’s OK to feel this way!!” strange huh? How our brains will fight against joy. What is that, and where does it come from?
Do you ever have days where you’re scared to be excited? Do you ever stop the free flowing stream of bliss, because you’re not sure it’s yours? And if so…. How do you stop that? How do you open your heart and allow…. no… “Permit”… give permission to yourself to feel amazing?
Apparently… I blog. And having done this, I’m now going release anything attempting to block my happiness. I’m going to open my arms wide and embrace this bouncy glowing feeling, just as I will embrace my dearest tonight at the airport. *grin*
Monday, July 17, 2006
Tripping the Night Fantastic
Often I think of how much simpler life would be, in a smaller city, away from all the people, isolated from the masses. And then I have a moment like Saturday.
My inner freak had a party to attend, and as such.... items to purchase. I needed:
My inner freak had a party to attend, and as such.... items to purchase. I needed:
- 6 inch platform stilleto pumps that have blue lights inside them that blink when I step
- Striped semi-sheer Thigh-highs in pink
- Turquoise & Pink fairy wings
I went to three different shops, found my 3 items with no problem.... AND never left the corner of Wilcox and Hollywood Blvd. Ahh, Hollywood, how I love your odd charms.
and thus I present to you..... "Studio Fifty-Fairy, the Muse of Disco" & Her Gorgeous Friends. :)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
101 in 1001- Updated
Finally got around to checking in on my list and making some needed updates.
Proud of what I've gotten handled, but wow... still so much to do!
For the updated listed, click here!
Proud of what I've gotten handled, but wow... still so much to do!
For the updated listed, click here!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Challenged
Ever have those days when you're especially clumsy, particularly incapable, or just down right ragingly dumb??
Like today....
I spent my morning amidst a comedy of errors that left me with a coffee cup full of something vaguely resembling a blend of grits and scrambled eggs (disguised as a warm breakfast beverage), a wet & tea-stained white t-shirt, and a mild burn down one forearm.
How does one top a morning like that?
Well apparently, one attempts to electrocute oneself. Just now… I put a live wire in my mouth. Oh, not intentionally (in that "Jackass" sort of way), but completely by not paying attention (more in the "I AM a jackass" sort of way).
I was crawling around under my desk trying to adjust some plug-ins, and I found that I needed a third hand to hold something... so, not thinking about the fact that it was still plugged in, I put a connective AC output wire in my mouth. Of course the moment it shocked my tongue (much like putting it to the tip of a 9 volt battery) I opened my mouth and spat it out. And then sat there overwhelmed by my stupidity.
I guess I should also thank my extremely buff squad of gaurdian angels that it didn’t connect to the METAL PIERCING in my damn tongue.
*headdesk*
You may mock me now.
Like today....
I spent my morning amidst a comedy of errors that left me with a coffee cup full of something vaguely resembling a blend of grits and scrambled eggs (disguised as a warm breakfast beverage), a wet & tea-stained white t-shirt, and a mild burn down one forearm.
How does one top a morning like that?
Well apparently, one attempts to electrocute oneself. Just now… I put a live wire in my mouth. Oh, not intentionally (in that "Jackass" sort of way), but completely by not paying attention (more in the "I AM a jackass" sort of way).
I was crawling around under my desk trying to adjust some plug-ins, and I found that I needed a third hand to hold something... so, not thinking about the fact that it was still plugged in, I put a connective AC output wire in my mouth. Of course the moment it shocked my tongue (much like putting it to the tip of a 9 volt battery) I opened my mouth and spat it out. And then sat there overwhelmed by my stupidity.
I guess I should also thank my extremely buff squad of gaurdian angels that it didn’t connect to the METAL PIERCING in my damn tongue.
*headdesk*
You may mock me now.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Sunday Scribbings: Hotel Stories
She wakes, ten minutes before the alarm would go off, if she were at home. The sunlight steaming through the window hurts her eyes. Damn, this means that getting vertical is required.
With a painful squint and a bit of a stumble, she drags her heavy body over to the window, pulling drapes to block the infernal brightness. Staggering, she returns to the bed, surprisingly comfortable with delicate linen sheets and a down comforter she pulls around her like a lover's arms. In the fog of her brain, she struggles to remember the night.
The Masque was set to begin at 8pm. It had said so on the dark embossed invitation that had mysteriously appeared at Johanna's abode the week before. Unusual, but not unheard of, Johanna was used to surprise gifts from admirers. Usually she ignored them. Attention was always lovely, but replying might obligate her in some way to return their affection, and Johanna had no intentions in doing that. She was focused, enterprising, dilligant, ambitious. She had no time for dalliances, and certainly nowhere in her blackberry-dictated schedule was there time set aside to fall in love.
However, the grandiose quality of the invite, promising not only a masked celebration, but accommodations at the new Palácio de Amor Perigoso, was simply too good to pass up. And she was SO in need of a weekend retreat, after the presentation she'd put together for the board this week. She needed girly moments at a 5-star spa, and a little celebrity treatment. Not to mention that events like this were like crawling with the most important people, and she longed to be one of the "power players".
Perfection takes time, and it was easily 9:20 before Johanna made her appearance. Hair coiffed just so, she exected to be, as she so often was, a belle of the ball. However, upon arriving it became clear that it was no ordinary evening... no ordinary celebration. Sumptuous red walls, with wrought iron sconces holding dripping candles of shiny black wax; the room was most extrodinarily decorated in half dressed bodies of all shapes and colors. Sparkling fairies, scandalously naked tree nymphs- from fantasy to fetish, an array of forms swayed and undulated to the pulsing deep beat of the otherworldly music pouding from the speakers. No celebrity faces, no power players. Just bodies, estatic in a near carnal way. Johanna, in her ornate gown of shimmering ivory, felt instantly out of place.
With a body posture that betrayed none of the trepidation she was feeling, she crossed the room, heading to the bar for a bit of liquid courage. The dense mass of bodies was difficult to navigate at best, and she had just managed to slip by two pony-esque characters who were lost in each other's sweat and passion, when she found her way barred by a large red chest.
"The musculature is impressive," she thought somewhat haughtily to herself as she let her eyes travel from abs to pecs to the spectacular face attached to it all. Deep crimson body paint covered every inch of naked flesh, and there was tremendous temptation to check lower and see if the god had at least worn a loin cloth.... but the striking dark eyes that watched her intently took all her attention and robbed her of further thought.
"Good evening Johanna", his voice flowed like melted dark chocolate, seductive and tangible, coating her flesh in tingles and twitchs and the irrisitable urged to be touched. Johanna briefly registered that the thoughts now screaming through her mind were not ones she normally allowed herself, but within his physical presence, all she could sense was the salt of sweat and iron-like aftertaste that blood leaves in your mouth. She for an instant wondered if she'd managed to bite her tongue. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it in stunned speechlessness. Opened it again thinking she'd found words, but closed it almost as quickly, realizing that if she articulated her thoughts, she would not be able to stop the decadant, and completely unlady-like proposition that begged to be spoken.
He chuckled. A deep low rumbling like thunder in a night sky storm.
"My sweet fish, standing there.... desparate for a breath.... feeling so out of your element." He walked around her. With all the gyrating madness that swam around them, he seemed unaffected... untouched. As if the mass of flesh parted to allow him passage. He slipped behind her, so that he could quietly whisper into her ear, his sensuous tones having an even more primitive effect on her when accompanied with his hot breath. "These are dangerous waters. Far more powerful than any of the pinstriped suits you spend your days with." He brought his hands up to her shoulders, and the first touch was explosive in her blood. Trembling, she fought back the fear that she was, for this first time since she could remember, completely out of control.
Strong red hands began to slide her gown from her shoulders. "Ease into the water, my sweet Johanna." Quivering, shaking, her mind screaming "No" as her body played traitor, she could no more stop his hands than she could stop the ragged breaths escaping her. All around, the music swelled and pulsed and pulled at her gown. The heat of the dancers, the taste of the sweat, the colors whirled madly, as .....
*sound of a knock* "Maid Serivce"
Johanna bolted upright in the bed, her head pounding with the movement. Disoriented with pain and dehydration, she angrily responded "Not Now", before flopping back down on the pillow. Instantly she was sorry and a little nauseous. "What a fucked up.... ugh." She rose, slowly this time, and staggered towards the bathroom. What she needed was a shower, something to rehydrate her body and wash this filthy used feeling from her soul. "MUST remember not to do shots of Jagermeister at the next party, " she grimly chuckled to herself, as she turned on the water.
Standing, she caught a moments relection in the 3 way mirror. Down the small of her back were 4 long red scratches, nearly animal in their nature. For a moment, there was a fire in her groin, and then a cold chill in her blood as she desparately sought for the difference between truth and dream. There were no answers in her foggy head, and as she stepped into the shower, she found no comfort in the warm water streaming down.
*************************************
For more Sunday Scribblings, go here
With a painful squint and a bit of a stumble, she drags her heavy body over to the window, pulling drapes to block the infernal brightness. Staggering, she returns to the bed, surprisingly comfortable with delicate linen sheets and a down comforter she pulls around her like a lover's arms. In the fog of her brain, she struggles to remember the night.
The Masque was set to begin at 8pm. It had said so on the dark embossed invitation that had mysteriously appeared at Johanna's abode the week before. Unusual, but not unheard of, Johanna was used to surprise gifts from admirers. Usually she ignored them. Attention was always lovely, but replying might obligate her in some way to return their affection, and Johanna had no intentions in doing that. She was focused, enterprising, dilligant, ambitious. She had no time for dalliances, and certainly nowhere in her blackberry-dictated schedule was there time set aside to fall in love.
However, the grandiose quality of the invite, promising not only a masked celebration, but accommodations at the new Palácio de Amor Perigoso, was simply too good to pass up. And she was SO in need of a weekend retreat, after the presentation she'd put together for the board this week. She needed girly moments at a 5-star spa, and a little celebrity treatment. Not to mention that events like this were like crawling with the most important people, and she longed to be one of the "power players".
Perfection takes time, and it was easily 9:20 before Johanna made her appearance. Hair coiffed just so, she exected to be, as she so often was, a belle of the ball. However, upon arriving it became clear that it was no ordinary evening... no ordinary celebration. Sumptuous red walls, with wrought iron sconces holding dripping candles of shiny black wax; the room was most extrodinarily decorated in half dressed bodies of all shapes and colors. Sparkling fairies, scandalously naked tree nymphs- from fantasy to fetish, an array of forms swayed and undulated to the pulsing deep beat of the otherworldly music pouding from the speakers. No celebrity faces, no power players. Just bodies, estatic in a near carnal way. Johanna, in her ornate gown of shimmering ivory, felt instantly out of place.
With a body posture that betrayed none of the trepidation she was feeling, she crossed the room, heading to the bar for a bit of liquid courage. The dense mass of bodies was difficult to navigate at best, and she had just managed to slip by two pony-esque characters who were lost in each other's sweat and passion, when she found her way barred by a large red chest.
"The musculature is impressive," she thought somewhat haughtily to herself as she let her eyes travel from abs to pecs to the spectacular face attached to it all. Deep crimson body paint covered every inch of naked flesh, and there was tremendous temptation to check lower and see if the god had at least worn a loin cloth.... but the striking dark eyes that watched her intently took all her attention and robbed her of further thought.
"Good evening Johanna", his voice flowed like melted dark chocolate, seductive and tangible, coating her flesh in tingles and twitchs and the irrisitable urged to be touched. Johanna briefly registered that the thoughts now screaming through her mind were not ones she normally allowed herself, but within his physical presence, all she could sense was the salt of sweat and iron-like aftertaste that blood leaves in your mouth. She for an instant wondered if she'd managed to bite her tongue. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it in stunned speechlessness. Opened it again thinking she'd found words, but closed it almost as quickly, realizing that if she articulated her thoughts, she would not be able to stop the decadant, and completely unlady-like proposition that begged to be spoken.
He chuckled. A deep low rumbling like thunder in a night sky storm.
"My sweet fish, standing there.... desparate for a breath.... feeling so out of your element." He walked around her. With all the gyrating madness that swam around them, he seemed unaffected... untouched. As if the mass of flesh parted to allow him passage. He slipped behind her, so that he could quietly whisper into her ear, his sensuous tones having an even more primitive effect on her when accompanied with his hot breath. "These are dangerous waters. Far more powerful than any of the pinstriped suits you spend your days with." He brought his hands up to her shoulders, and the first touch was explosive in her blood. Trembling, she fought back the fear that she was, for this first time since she could remember, completely out of control.
Strong red hands began to slide her gown from her shoulders. "Ease into the water, my sweet Johanna." Quivering, shaking, her mind screaming "No" as her body played traitor, she could no more stop his hands than she could stop the ragged breaths escaping her. All around, the music swelled and pulsed and pulled at her gown. The heat of the dancers, the taste of the sweat, the colors whirled madly, as .....
*sound of a knock* "Maid Serivce"
Johanna bolted upright in the bed, her head pounding with the movement. Disoriented with pain and dehydration, she angrily responded "Not Now", before flopping back down on the pillow. Instantly she was sorry and a little nauseous. "What a fucked up.... ugh." She rose, slowly this time, and staggered towards the bathroom. What she needed was a shower, something to rehydrate her body and wash this filthy used feeling from her soul. "MUST remember not to do shots of Jagermeister at the next party, " she grimly chuckled to herself, as she turned on the water.
Standing, she caught a moments relection in the 3 way mirror. Down the small of her back were 4 long red scratches, nearly animal in their nature. For a moment, there was a fire in her groin, and then a cold chill in her blood as she desparately sought for the difference between truth and dream. There were no answers in her foggy head, and as she stepped into the shower, she found no comfort in the warm water streaming down.
*************************************
For more Sunday Scribblings, go here
Monday, July 03, 2006
Sunday Scribblings on Monday: Two Peas in a Pod
Completely Free-Form Stream of Consciousness
Two Peas in a Pod
Coupling
Connection
Bright green bouncing thoughts, enclosed in a hug
Lover in a warm verdant salad
Alive
Life
Hiding out with friends, making pillow forts and giggling
Giggling, a word, a sound that seems to be written merely for the joy and use of little girls who still believe in unicorns and mermaids
27 years later, we don’t giggle as much, but oh the tales we can tell
Two Peas in a Pod with completely different genetic coding
Yellow peas, green peas, wrinkled peas and smooth peas
Bio 101, time spent looking at dominate genes and how
Some peas are wrinkled
And I have brown eyes
Brown eyes… Bane of my existence. Always wanted Daddy’s blues… but *sigh* brown was my luck of the draw.
Brown like ground
Like chocolate chip cookies
Like puppies
Earnest and eager
Warm wet brown like the Great Mother herself,
Pushing up crops
Churning out peas
Peas in a Pod
Friends
Lovers
Whatever
Peas in a pod… that human need to not be all alone in this mess.
This salad
This entrée
This vegetable farm
Little bit of sun on a damp mound of Earth…
Bursting with possibilities, potential and zesty wholesome flavors
Two Peas in a Pod
Coupling
Connection
Bright green bouncing thoughts, enclosed in a hug
Lover in a warm verdant salad
Alive
Life
Hiding out with friends, making pillow forts and giggling
Giggling, a word, a sound that seems to be written merely for the joy and use of little girls who still believe in unicorns and mermaids
27 years later, we don’t giggle as much, but oh the tales we can tell
Two Peas in a Pod with completely different genetic coding
Yellow peas, green peas, wrinkled peas and smooth peas
Bio 101, time spent looking at dominate genes and how
Some peas are wrinkled
And I have brown eyes
Brown eyes… Bane of my existence. Always wanted Daddy’s blues… but *sigh* brown was my luck of the draw.
Brown like ground
Like chocolate chip cookies
Like puppies
Earnest and eager
Warm wet brown like the Great Mother herself,
Pushing up crops
Churning out peas
Peas in a Pod
Friends
Lovers
Whatever
Peas in a pod… that human need to not be all alone in this mess.
This salad
This entrée
This vegetable farm
Little bit of sun on a damp mound of Earth…
Bursting with possibilities, potential and zesty wholesome flavors
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