On the longest day of the year of 2013, our intrepid adventurer set forth on a cross country trek. Her Penske was packed with memories, regrets and 9 cats. Her heart, heavy; her soul, saddle sore. With a Solstice moon and a concerned mother to lead her, she spent 5 long days putting miles between her latest failure and her heart-sick self. Meaning that one year ago TODAY, she arrived in North Carolina to begin her "new life."
* * * *
I'd love to tell you that every day since then has been positive, that I'm healed and happy. But I like to keep this blog an actual representation of my life, not a flowery illusion of what I'd like my life to look like. And recovery takes time... three steps forward, two steps back. Behavioral tendencies that have lasted a lifetime don't get suddenly retrained in a month. Back-slides happen, patterns repeat. Auto-pilot is a dangerous way to drive through life, but it's damn easy to slip into.
Then again, I've always been my toughest critic... so let me take a moment to focus on the positive. I AM DOING IT. Every morning I get up, whether I write in a journal, take a long hike in the mountains, show up at my job, or pay off a little more debt, I am taking a step on this new path. Building a new foundation takes an irritatingly long time, especially when you start deeply in a hole (emotionally and financially) as I did. But the key is showing up, and I'm still doing that.
I'm learning to listen to and trust my intuition again. I'm still not great about taking action in accordance with the little voice in my head, but at least I've stopped dismissing it. My faith in my gods is shaken and distant, but I still have an altar. After weeks of feeling stuck, yesterday I took the time to change out all the candles and incense, switching from woodsy dusky scents to bright florals and fruits, and WHAM suddenly I could smell the arrival of Summer in my home. For a moment, my heat and passion were re-ignited along with candle wicks, and I went to bed with a sense of hope instead of with a body weary from dread and resignation.
Today, I'm working a half-day, so I have the morning to drink a hot cup of tea, snuggle with the kitties, center myself and reflect. I can hear the wind outside shaking the multitude of vibrant green leaves in my front yard. I will fold the clean laundry, and sort out which bills can be paid out of the paycheck that comes tomorrow. I will try to put together a list of the ways in which my life is better than it was a year ago.
I cry less. That's a start.
I'm surrounded by kindness. That's good too.
I can breathe in moist, clean air, juicy with the smells of raw nature. That always make me smile.
Los Angeles is like that friend we all have.... the one talks a little too loud, who takes a little too much energy. The one who always makes the conversation about her, but then leaves you to pick up the lunch tab. And yet, now that she is missing from my life, I find she has left a hole there is no filler for.
The High Country however, is a wall flower. Prettier than she realizes, she sits quietly along the sidelines of the gym dance and waits for you to initiate contact. She's hard to get to know, but if you can get her talking in a one-on-one conversation, you can watch her eyes light up, be seduced by her soft giggle, and realize there's a lot more there than seems at first glance.
Re-reading those descriptions, I realize that I'm a lot more LA than I ever will be North Carolina. I'm pretty sure this is only a temporary destination for me, a rest stop on the highway where I refuel and recover, but while I'm here, I'm striving to make friends with the shy girl, learn what I can from her secrets, heal the wounds I acquired living in the flashy big city. There's a gentleness here that allows time for recovery, and if I can just drop into that slow, Southern rhythm, I just might be able to be compassionate and patient with my own learning curve.
One year later, I'm not where I wanted to be. I'm not where I thought I would be. But I'm not dead... not even overwhelmed right now. Just moving slowly forward. It's a quiet anniversary, but it is not a sad one.
Showing posts with label Wrap up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wrap up. Show all posts
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Sunday, February 09, 2014
Time Marches- a general FYI update
Been missing my blog, and so I popped on to re-read and was horrified to see when I last wrote. How have this many months gotten away from me?
Since last I dipped into these pages, life has incurred the inevitable ups and downs. I will try to briefly sum up.
Ups: I found a job working at a vet's office in a little college town in the "high country". Was able to move out of my parents' basement and into an adorable little place of my own. It's two bedroom/2 bath, built into the hillside of a mountain in a beautiful but tiny resort town that is only a few miles away from where I work. This is all just right off the Blue Ridge Parkway, where the hiking is stunning. I am currently experiencing my first Winter ever of living in a land where it snows... often. The cats have coped well with the move, and enjoy being able to watch deer and bunnies feeding in the yard. There is light in my windows, fire in the fireplace, and gorgeous scenery outside.
Downs: The vet's office job is not really highlighting my skills, teaching me anything new or completely paying all my bills (I still have so much debt from my life in LA that I'm trying to pay off, on top of all the new costs of living.) Additionally, the office has a lot of politics and is getting to be pretty uncomfortable. I'm still strapped for cash most of the time and were it not for my incredible parents' generosity, I'd be starving most weeks. Snow, while beautiful to look at when it falls, is not always fun to drive in, and when it begins to get slushy and muddy, it's just plain nasty to deal with. Plus, a large part of my job is walking dogs during the course of my day... which means being outside, in temps that have gotten as low as -45 ("real feel" temp with wind chill factor. The actual temp that day was only -12, if I remember correctly.)
I have made one real friend here. She too has a love for marine mammals, has an interest in educational outreach, is terribly over-degreed for the job we share (she's got a Masters in Marine Bio) and has spent time living in Hawaii. Not to mention that she has a wonderfully dry sense of humor, and a fondness for paranormal romance novels, wine and margaritas. We keep each other sane at the office.
After 6 months of celibacy hiding out in my mountain retreat, I also figured it was time to stop avoiding all men and put myself back out in the scene. I began attempting dating again. I really was just trolling online for my usual cougar fodder, but ended up meeting someone quite unique. He was raised in So Cal, shares my intense passion for the ocean, and he's *gasp* older than me. That's all I'm willing to say on the matter at this time. Given my history, I'm playing this hand closer to the chest... but I will say that I'm smiling more, and enjoying being wooed.
In short, I am in all ways, back in the game. Moving forward. Seeking strength in self and the energies of the dark winter forest that surrounds me. May 2014 be a year of positive changes and re-imagined dreams for us all.
Since last I dipped into these pages, life has incurred the inevitable ups and downs. I will try to briefly sum up.
Ups: I found a job working at a vet's office in a little college town in the "high country". Was able to move out of my parents' basement and into an adorable little place of my own. It's two bedroom/2 bath, built into the hillside of a mountain in a beautiful but tiny resort town that is only a few miles away from where I work. This is all just right off the Blue Ridge Parkway, where the hiking is stunning. I am currently experiencing my first Winter ever of living in a land where it snows... often. The cats have coped well with the move, and enjoy being able to watch deer and bunnies feeding in the yard. There is light in my windows, fire in the fireplace, and gorgeous scenery outside.
Downs: The vet's office job is not really highlighting my skills, teaching me anything new or completely paying all my bills (I still have so much debt from my life in LA that I'm trying to pay off, on top of all the new costs of living.) Additionally, the office has a lot of politics and is getting to be pretty uncomfortable. I'm still strapped for cash most of the time and were it not for my incredible parents' generosity, I'd be starving most weeks. Snow, while beautiful to look at when it falls, is not always fun to drive in, and when it begins to get slushy and muddy, it's just plain nasty to deal with. Plus, a large part of my job is walking dogs during the course of my day... which means being outside, in temps that have gotten as low as -45 ("real feel" temp with wind chill factor. The actual temp that day was only -12, if I remember correctly.)
I have made one real friend here. She too has a love for marine mammals, has an interest in educational outreach, is terribly over-degreed for the job we share (she's got a Masters in Marine Bio) and has spent time living in Hawaii. Not to mention that she has a wonderfully dry sense of humor, and a fondness for paranormal romance novels, wine and margaritas. We keep each other sane at the office.
After 6 months of celibacy hiding out in my mountain retreat, I also figured it was time to stop avoiding all men and put myself back out in the scene. I began attempting dating again. I really was just trolling online for my usual cougar fodder, but ended up meeting someone quite unique. He was raised in So Cal, shares my intense passion for the ocean, and he's *gasp* older than me. That's all I'm willing to say on the matter at this time. Given my history, I'm playing this hand closer to the chest... but I will say that I'm smiling more, and enjoying being wooed.
In short, I am in all ways, back in the game. Moving forward. Seeking strength in self and the energies of the dark winter forest that surrounds me. May 2014 be a year of positive changes and re-imagined dreams for us all.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Long Time, No Hear
Back again, returning to the blog after losing the last 22 months of my life to the Exotic Animal Training and Management program. Ok... I didn't "lose" my life. I gained unbelievable experiences and knowledge. But now, here, on the other side of graduation, I feel lost. For 22 months, I knew where I had to be when. I knew generally what each day would look like. And now...
*sigh*
It's Saturday night, and I'm sitting in a Coffee Bean using their free wi-fi because we lost connection at the house. On facebook, classmates talk about how they went out last night, or are going out tonight... or about how their new jobs are amazing, or about how their lives are amazing. I understand that some of them are making it sound more glorious than it is. I understand that many of them are younger than me, and therefore what they find "AMAZING" would not likely occur the same for me. Still, it makes me feel small and a teensy bit pathetic.
I'm trying to take on challenges in my life. I'm running headlong into old patterns of behavior and trying to turn over a new leaf. Take the opportunity that disappearing for 22 months has provided me to cut old ties and bad baggage and try to begin again with a clear road. It's not easy. It's not fun. Change, improvement, rarely is. I'm trying to keep the things that worked for me. Like writing in journals and blogs. Like thinking out loud. And so, I find myself here. Dropping a few words onto the cyber page, akin to dipping a toe in the pool, the first day it opens in the spring. It's daunting. But sitting here immobilized with fear and sadness is infinitely worse.
A few quick notes: (1) Just saw "Sex & the City 2" Wow... I wasn't expecting much but high-fashion and a brief glimpse of Aiden. However, I have to say that I feel the brand has lost the thing for which I most enjoyed it. It used to be a call to arms for single women to feel fun, empowered, and less alone. But now, it's a backslide for women with self-esteem that seems to cry out "It's not ok to grow old," "It's not ok to feel frazzled when you've spread yourself too thin" and worst "If you feel uncertain in your relationship... be sure he gets you a nice piece of jewelry." I used to feel that I could relate to the SitC ladies, but now, if I were an American travelling in the Middle East and I saw them out, I would embarrassedly apologize to those around me that not every American woman is that rude or that desperately in need of attention and validation. Ugh. (2) I've managed to spill HONEY (of all things) on my keyboard, causing my "z" key to stick. ARGH! I'd do much better if I found a cyber cafe that served alcoholic drinks instead of coffees, teas and overly sticky cinnamon buns.
*sigh*
It's Saturday night, and I'm sitting in a Coffee Bean using their free wi-fi because we lost connection at the house. On facebook, classmates talk about how they went out last night, or are going out tonight... or about how their new jobs are amazing, or about how their lives are amazing. I understand that some of them are making it sound more glorious than it is. I understand that many of them are younger than me, and therefore what they find "AMAZING" would not likely occur the same for me. Still, it makes me feel small and a teensy bit pathetic.
I'm trying to take on challenges in my life. I'm running headlong into old patterns of behavior and trying to turn over a new leaf. Take the opportunity that disappearing for 22 months has provided me to cut old ties and bad baggage and try to begin again with a clear road. It's not easy. It's not fun. Change, improvement, rarely is. I'm trying to keep the things that worked for me. Like writing in journals and blogs. Like thinking out loud. And so, I find myself here. Dropping a few words onto the cyber page, akin to dipping a toe in the pool, the first day it opens in the spring. It's daunting. But sitting here immobilized with fear and sadness is infinitely worse.
A few quick notes: (1) Just saw "Sex & the City 2" Wow... I wasn't expecting much but high-fashion and a brief glimpse of Aiden. However, I have to say that I feel the brand has lost the thing for which I most enjoyed it. It used to be a call to arms for single women to feel fun, empowered, and less alone. But now, it's a backslide for women with self-esteem that seems to cry out "It's not ok to grow old," "It's not ok to feel frazzled when you've spread yourself too thin" and worst "If you feel uncertain in your relationship... be sure he gets you a nice piece of jewelry." I used to feel that I could relate to the SitC ladies, but now, if I were an American travelling in the Middle East and I saw them out, I would embarrassedly apologize to those around me that not every American woman is that rude or that desperately in need of attention and validation. Ugh. (2) I've managed to spill HONEY (of all things) on my keyboard, causing my "z" key to stick. ARGH! I'd do much better if I found a cyber cafe that served alcoholic drinks instead of coffees, teas and overly sticky cinnamon buns.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Finally June
OH May... please don't take it personally when I say that I am so very glad you have passed. You were a long month, full to the brim of monotony and pain. With an endless list of "to-dos", you packed each moment, leaving me emotionally spent, mentally drained, & physically exhausted.
To Sum Up:
To Sum Up:
- The Foster Kittens grow increasingly adorable with each day. They also grow increasingly demanding and require constant cleaning up. 3 out of 4 are pre-adopted (thank heavens) and I believe the 4th will have a promised home after this week, so it's only a matter of time before they all leave our happy nest. I will likely get teary and will definitely miss their endless pitter-patter. However, the Senior Cats are counting the days until their mid-day nap can go uninterrupted.
- The Seals & Sea Lions flipper their way deeper into my heart. Some graduate forward, to bigger pools and bottom feedings, eventually winning their release back to the ocean. Others sadly deteriorate in ways we can't stop, finally leaving this plane. Just last week, I was present at the demise of a small, soft harbor seal pup. His fur was plush and he seemed a child's toy, except for the fact that his body grew cold & unmoving under my touch. Until that moment, I wasn't sure how I would handle losing an animal. But in the moment, he was suffering so, I was relieved for him when that finally ended.
- Still no word on school. The endless anticipation of that "alternate/wait list" call continues to drag on.
- May 2008 marked the end of my 1001 days. The final update of my list of 101 things will be along shortly.
- Lastly, Bonus Points to you, dear May... for the rousing bout of tendinitis. Several days this month, the searing pain has rendered my right arm nearly useless. Which makes typing a blog, teaching pole work, & restraining 100lb animals more than a little challenging.
Monday, April 21, 2008
April Showers of Random Info
OH my, hello there little neglected blog. So much to say but April has sneaked by on fleeting tip-toe and I can hardly keep track. Hate to be so abrupt, but that seems to be a theme in my life lately... stripping it down. Getting to basics. Moving forward erratically at break-neck speed. Therefore, I must sum up in bullet points:
- Finally got taxes done, April 14th. That is SO LATE for me. However, after going through business deductions and volunteer work, I do have a small amount coming to me from our friends at the Federal offices. Thank the gods, because we could use a little cash.
- Marine Mammals aplenty!! My hours at the center continue to accrue, and I've gotten pretty damn quick at being able to handle the elley seal pups as needed. However, I still stay away from sea lions, as they are quick and nasty tempered.
- Zoo Gnus! I've been working with Enrichment, creating required toys and tools for the animals health and enjoyment. In May, I've volunteered for Bear Medical team for the Bearnstine Bears event. Um... not to worry, those bears are stuffed. I'll be wearing scrubs, but I'll only be mending fabric and faux fur.
- Kitten Season! Helping out Milo's Sanctuary, I'm currently fostering 4 4-week old kittens. My every waking hour seems focused on preparing food, feeding, wiping bottoms, doing poopy laundry and washing bottles and dishes. I'm WORN OUT! I don't know how you Moms of human children do this for more than a few weeks. YIKES!
- Lastly- NEW HAIR... or the lack thereof. Yep, I did it... went bald. Now I just need to work out constantly and never eat again if I want to look like Demi in G. I. Jane.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Another Month Gone By
Ladies, you know that day or two before your period starts? The ones when you are so exhausted you can barely lift the brownie to your lips?? *sigh* I’m having one of those. I just slept 10 hours straight and I still can barely find the energy to make it down a flight of stairs. Seeing how I live on the second floor, I better remedy that if I want to make it to the car. I must put money in the bank today.
Last week was vivacious, if not a little perilous. Wednesday, I had a dental appointment (oh joy), followed by driving a friend to LAX (more joy), which apparently had some unusual explosions around it later that night (not to worry, has not been determined to be terrorist.) Thursday, I pulled a double shift at the Marine Mammal Center. That is good for the little elephant seal pups, but bad for the tendinitis in my elbow. Friday I worked all day at the dance studio, then fought rush hour for 2 hours to go to dinner with some friends. Oddly enough, even hours of making herring milkshakes for pinnipeds has not tarnished my love of sushi. Late Friday, I picked up Tag from the airport (Burbank this time, which is far less likely to burst into flame.) Early Saturday, we reported to the Zoo for a full day of smiling volunteer goodness. I am proud to report that Tag has passed his LA Zoo Docent final exam, and next week will have graduation ceremonies. YAY!!
Can’t believe March is already ending! Out like a lamb indeed, slipping past the gates nearly unnoticed.
Last week was vivacious, if not a little perilous. Wednesday, I had a dental appointment (oh joy), followed by driving a friend to LAX (more joy), which apparently had some unusual explosions around it later that night (not to worry, has not been determined to be terrorist.) Thursday, I pulled a double shift at the Marine Mammal Center. That is good for the little elephant seal pups, but bad for the tendinitis in my elbow. Friday I worked all day at the dance studio, then fought rush hour for 2 hours to go to dinner with some friends. Oddly enough, even hours of making herring milkshakes for pinnipeds has not tarnished my love of sushi. Late Friday, I picked up Tag from the airport (Burbank this time, which is far less likely to burst into flame.) Early Saturday, we reported to the Zoo for a full day of smiling volunteer goodness. I am proud to report that Tag has passed his LA Zoo Docent final exam, and next week will have graduation ceremonies. YAY!!
Can’t believe March is already ending! Out like a lamb indeed, slipping past the gates nearly unnoticed.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Back from the Brink
Ladies & Gentlemen, please pardon my absence... but when they tell you that this years flu is a bitch, I suggest you believe them!
Actually, it wasn't the flu in my case, but an over-achieving sinus infection, which got into my ears (causing pain there) and dripped down my throat (causing bronchial issues). After running a fever of 102 - 103 for THREE days straight, I finally made it to the doctor to see if anything could be done. I'm on horsepill antibiotics and even those took several days to get rid of the fever. IN short, I didn't really show up for my last week of work... and I'm just now starting to act and feel like a human again.
I did make a point of arriving at my desk for 3 hours on my last day of employment. I sat, bundled to the 9's, feverish and coughing, finishing up the expense reports and items that I promised would be done before I left. And in the end, when i had that last "wrap up" conversation with the Big Dog, he still made a point of saying how my inability to accept change in the personnel of the department caused my frustrations. NO JACKASS, it was YOU!! YOU caused my frustration, with your lack of spine and your double-talk. With your inability to understand human nature or communicate with any sort of clarity, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. Now Fuck off! I am done with you.
Wow... does THAT feel good to type! Healing comes in many ways, I'm discovering.
I'm also discovering that life without rules is challenging for a work-a-holic like myself. I don't let myself sleep in terribly much, because I know that leads to depression for me. Amandarin suggested finding an early morning yoga class to go to, and I think that's a stellar idea. IN the meantime, I'm researching jobs online, and waiting to hear if I've been accepted to the LA Zoo Volunteer training class. (I interviewed on Saturday.) I sent in my application for school, and am doing reading and research on various job options out there. Trying to find my bliss, as it were.
It's a beautiful day outside. No rain. The wind smells fresh and the sun looks warm. I believe I'll head out for a day of errands and figure out the rest as I go.
Actually, it wasn't the flu in my case, but an over-achieving sinus infection, which got into my ears (causing pain there) and dripped down my throat (causing bronchial issues). After running a fever of 102 - 103 for THREE days straight, I finally made it to the doctor to see if anything could be done. I'm on horsepill antibiotics and even those took several days to get rid of the fever. IN short, I didn't really show up for my last week of work... and I'm just now starting to act and feel like a human again.
I did make a point of arriving at my desk for 3 hours on my last day of employment. I sat, bundled to the 9's, feverish and coughing, finishing up the expense reports and items that I promised would be done before I left. And in the end, when i had that last "wrap up" conversation with the Big Dog, he still made a point of saying how my inability to accept change in the personnel of the department caused my frustrations. NO JACKASS, it was YOU!! YOU caused my frustration, with your lack of spine and your double-talk. With your inability to understand human nature or communicate with any sort of clarity, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. Now Fuck off! I am done with you.
Wow... does THAT feel good to type! Healing comes in many ways, I'm discovering.
I'm also discovering that life without rules is challenging for a work-a-holic like myself. I don't let myself sleep in terribly much, because I know that leads to depression for me. Amandarin suggested finding an early morning yoga class to go to, and I think that's a stellar idea. IN the meantime, I'm researching jobs online, and waiting to hear if I've been accepted to the LA Zoo Volunteer training class. (I interviewed on Saturday.) I sent in my application for school, and am doing reading and research on various job options out there. Trying to find my bliss, as it were.
It's a beautiful day outside. No rain. The wind smells fresh and the sun looks warm. I believe I'll head out for a day of errands and figure out the rest as I go.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Joining the Ranks
Life does so like to throw curve balls at the best laid plans. For example, blogging. If you take too long in the crafting of your statement, you may rapidly find that what you wished to say is no longer relevant.
Case in point, I was working on a blog post called “The Death in Deadlines.” Long have I bemoaned the corporate world, chained to a desk and other’s rules. I have been doing two different jobs, acting as both Exec Assistant and Special Events Coordinator. The first is my job on paper (which grows daily). The second, I’ve stepped up to because it is desperately needed (and far more entertaining than the first.) The pace has become unmanageable and the office drama has grown more emotionally draining by the month. Add to that the fact that I left my heart in Kanab, Utah, and what was once uncomfortable becomes unbearable. Thus over a month ago,“Operation Departure” was set in motion.
I notified my friends in IT that I would need to move my iTunes library off my work computer. This did require my buying a laptop of my very own, on which to relocate my tunage. Tag began budgeting, to find out how we might be able to live on a single income (in the interim, not as a full time solution.) I set up time with the President of the company, to establish why they needed a full time Events Coordinator, and also to name the candidate I thought best to fill that position. Lastly, I declared to those closest to me that I would not see February 1st in my current situation.
I am prone to staying in very bad situations for way too long. My inner codependent screams, “I can fix this,” and I repeatedly attempt to make silk from the sow’s ear. Therefore, by declaration, I enlisted my friends to be my reality check and my reinforced backbone. If, for some reason I did not give notice, they were all permitted to question my sanity and … harass me until I stood up for myself and left.
This week, each day, they would IM me encouraging words and a great deal of support. And each day this week, I considered backing out of my plan. Not because the work situation was getting any better, but because my masochistic self felt irrepressibly guilty for leaving a job for no better reason than my mental health.
“Death in Deadlines” was to speak to the fact that my friends were (rightly so) calling for me to honor my commitment, and to admit my fear and hesitation to honor myself. However, today (the day before I was to give notice) events came to pass that required my announcement to come one day early. It was time to just take a deep breath and speak up for myself. I did so, and while I kept it diplomatic, a small spark inside me ignited and I felt … I don’t know how to describe it. Hopeful, perhaps. Free, maybe.
Whatever the feeling, the point is… with a great deal of planning, but no clear idea of where I’m headed, I let go of what was, and jumped both feet into the ranks of the unemployed.
Case in point, I was working on a blog post called “The Death in Deadlines.” Long have I bemoaned the corporate world, chained to a desk and other’s rules. I have been doing two different jobs, acting as both Exec Assistant and Special Events Coordinator. The first is my job on paper (which grows daily). The second, I’ve stepped up to because it is desperately needed (and far more entertaining than the first.) The pace has become unmanageable and the office drama has grown more emotionally draining by the month. Add to that the fact that I left my heart in Kanab, Utah, and what was once uncomfortable becomes unbearable. Thus over a month ago,“Operation Departure” was set in motion.
I notified my friends in IT that I would need to move my iTunes library off my work computer. This did require my buying a laptop of my very own, on which to relocate my tunage. Tag began budgeting, to find out how we might be able to live on a single income (in the interim, not as a full time solution.) I set up time with the President of the company, to establish why they needed a full time Events Coordinator, and also to name the candidate I thought best to fill that position. Lastly, I declared to those closest to me that I would not see February 1st in my current situation.
I am prone to staying in very bad situations for way too long. My inner codependent screams, “I can fix this,” and I repeatedly attempt to make silk from the sow’s ear. Therefore, by declaration, I enlisted my friends to be my reality check and my reinforced backbone. If, for some reason I did not give notice, they were all permitted to question my sanity and … harass me until I stood up for myself and left.
This week, each day, they would IM me encouraging words and a great deal of support. And each day this week, I considered backing out of my plan. Not because the work situation was getting any better, but because my masochistic self felt irrepressibly guilty for leaving a job for no better reason than my mental health.
“Death in Deadlines” was to speak to the fact that my friends were (rightly so) calling for me to honor my commitment, and to admit my fear and hesitation to honor myself. However, today (the day before I was to give notice) events came to pass that required my announcement to come one day early. It was time to just take a deep breath and speak up for myself. I did so, and while I kept it diplomatic, a small spark inside me ignited and I felt … I don’t know how to describe it. Hopeful, perhaps. Free, maybe.
Whatever the feeling, the point is… with a great deal of planning, but no clear idea of where I’m headed, I let go of what was, and jumped both feet into the ranks of the unemployed.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Toodles to Two-oh-oh-Seven
Amandarin has a yearly tradition of "the year in review" utilizing the following 40 questions. I like them and thus will gak them here, as a way to "wrap up" 2007 and send it on its way.
1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
It wasn’t all the ZIP, BAM, WOW that I was hoping for, but it had some great moments, and I think it laid some really good groundwork for 2008.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
There are many: Swimming with Sea Turtles in Honaunau; Watching the Pu’u O’o vent erupting against the night sky; Surrounding myself with the cats of the “Kitty Motel” at Best Friends.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Anxiety attacks; one of my BFF’s moving far away with hubby and baby; leaving Spuds at Best Friends that last cold morning.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
Slack’s living room, trying to hold an inebriated Tag upright!
5) Who were you with?
Some of the coolest peeps in Hollywood blogdom.
6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
Plans are to be at Slack & BetheBoy’s. I’ll probably be supporting Tag again too… if his plane lands as expected. *frets*
7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
See 5
8) Did you keep your New Year's resolution of 2007?
I don’t follow all the rules of “resolution”… but I do think that I followed through on plans and moved forward in several areas of my life.
9) Do you have a New Year's resolution for 2008?
FIND & FOLLOW MY BLISS
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Just a little bit more everyday
11) If yes, with whom?
Him (oh… and him)
12) If yes, do they know?
Yes
13) Are you still in love with them?
Madly
14) Do you regret it?
Nope
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
Not that I can think… but I will be ending one crappy relationship soon.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
LOTS
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Dancer, Charlotte, Mouse, Scooter, HoneyBear & all the beautiful souls at the Kitty Motel
18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
It's all one big blur
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
*sigh* nope
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2007?
5 (if you count my CA travels to Palm Springs and Monteray)
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
No, I was blessed once again
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Yes, several people who for one reason or another have left my life.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
We really enjoyed “Surf’s Up” LOL! I also liked “Music & Lyrics”, “Pride”, “Eastern Promises” & “Ratatouille”. I have not seen, but am totally looking forward to “Sweeney Todd” and “The Water Horse”
24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
um... I’m so bad at this sort of thing. This year, I fell in love with the song “Daughter” by Vienna Tang. (however, she released it in 2002)
25) What was your favorite record from 2007?
*draws a blank*
26) Did you see any concerts this year?
Um… I don’t think so. I’m not much of a concert girl. However, Tag may have dragged me to something (then again, that might have been 2006)
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
see above
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
LOL… it would seem that way, since I can’t remember a damn thing!
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
They all come in bottles with prescriptions on the front.
30) Did you hope for something you didn't get in 2007?
yes, but I’m still moving forward in pursuit of that goal
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not all my moments were shiny and glorious, but I don’t think I’m ashamed of anything.
32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
“No, I really enjoy working with you. Really”
33) What was the worst lie someone told you?
“I feel great. I’ve done all my work and I’m ready to move forward. There is definately going to be some changes around here."
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
I don’t think so, and certainly hope not.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Yes, and they will be sorry in about 3 weeks.
36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
BUNCHES. I was paying off a LOT of my debts.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
I pulled off a lot of difficult feats at the office. Looking back, I’m proud of what I contributed to the special events at work.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
Crying like a 4 yr old having a tantrum, as I sat on the ice on the bunny hill, during my first ever day of snowboarding.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
Can I please just be brilliant at snowboarding on the first try? That would be cool
40) What are your plans for 2008?
Big Changes. New Communications. Follow the bliss and get the f’k out of LA.
1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
It wasn’t all the ZIP, BAM, WOW that I was hoping for, but it had some great moments, and I think it laid some really good groundwork for 2008.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
There are many: Swimming with Sea Turtles in Honaunau; Watching the Pu’u O’o vent erupting against the night sky; Surrounding myself with the cats of the “Kitty Motel” at Best Friends.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Anxiety attacks; one of my BFF’s moving far away with hubby and baby; leaving Spuds at Best Friends that last cold morning.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
Slack’s living room, trying to hold an inebriated Tag upright!
5) Who were you with?
Some of the coolest peeps in Hollywood blogdom.
6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
Plans are to be at Slack & BetheBoy’s. I’ll probably be supporting Tag again too… if his plane lands as expected. *frets*
7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
See 5
8) Did you keep your New Year's resolution of 2007?
I don’t follow all the rules of “resolution”… but I do think that I followed through on plans and moved forward in several areas of my life.
9) Do you have a New Year's resolution for 2008?
FIND & FOLLOW MY BLISS
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Just a little bit more everyday
11) If yes, with whom?
Him (oh… and him)
12) If yes, do they know?
Yes
13) Are you still in love with them?
Madly
14) Do you regret it?
Nope
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
Not that I can think… but I will be ending one crappy relationship soon.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
LOTS
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Dancer, Charlotte, Mouse, Scooter, HoneyBear & all the beautiful souls at the Kitty Motel
18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
It's all one big blur
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
*sigh* nope
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2007?
5 (if you count my CA travels to Palm Springs and Monteray)
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
No, I was blessed once again
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Yes, several people who for one reason or another have left my life.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
We really enjoyed “Surf’s Up” LOL! I also liked “Music & Lyrics”, “Pride”, “Eastern Promises” & “Ratatouille”. I have not seen, but am totally looking forward to “Sweeney Todd” and “The Water Horse”
24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
um... I’m so bad at this sort of thing. This year, I fell in love with the song “Daughter” by Vienna Tang. (however, she released it in 2002)
25) What was your favorite record from 2007?
*draws a blank*
26) Did you see any concerts this year?
Um… I don’t think so. I’m not much of a concert girl. However, Tag may have dragged me to something (then again, that might have been 2006)
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
see above
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
LOL… it would seem that way, since I can’t remember a damn thing!
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
They all come in bottles with prescriptions on the front.
30) Did you hope for something you didn't get in 2007?
yes, but I’m still moving forward in pursuit of that goal
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not all my moments were shiny and glorious, but I don’t think I’m ashamed of anything.
32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
“No, I really enjoy working with you. Really”
33) What was the worst lie someone told you?
“I feel great. I’ve done all my work and I’m ready to move forward. There is definately going to be some changes around here."
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
I don’t think so, and certainly hope not.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Yes, and they will be sorry in about 3 weeks.
36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
BUNCHES. I was paying off a LOT of my debts.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
I pulled off a lot of difficult feats at the office. Looking back, I’m proud of what I contributed to the special events at work.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
Crying like a 4 yr old having a tantrum, as I sat on the ice on the bunny hill, during my first ever day of snowboarding.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
Can I please just be brilliant at snowboarding on the first try? That would be cool
40) What are your plans for 2008?
Big Changes. New Communications. Follow the bliss and get the f’k out of LA.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Obligation & the Last Few Weeks
Some time ago, I put on my side bar that small icon with the raven that says B.W.O. It stands for “blogging without obligation,” which I believe to be a great concept. Too often, I hear the tale of a blogger who began writing as an exploration of self, and continues as a need to please the reading audience. Blogs have a way of taking on a life of their own, morphing and becoming unrecognizable to the writer. I wanted to state my intention to not fall prey to that phenomenon.
However, I then signed up for NaBloPoMo , during which the goal is to post every day for a month. I signed up with the best of intentions, hoping that I would be inspired to communicate more frequently. Instead, I began to immediately feel the pressing weight of obligation. Quantity over quality seemed the result and I found myself resenting showing up at the blog. That was not my intention, and so I let myself off the hook and gave myself the permission to post as needed.
It didn’t hurt/help that November was a crazed month, filled with stress at work and then a wonderful vacation far away from computers. Hell, far away from cell phone reception or most of society. Tag and I spent the week of Thanksgiving volunteering at Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah.
If you’ve never been to Southern Utah, I highly recommend the trip. Zion and Bryce National Parks are some of the most beautiful places I’ve ever hiked. There is magic in their deep red rock formations, and a quiet thrum of vibrational energy that affects me body and soul. Not far north, there is both Arches National Park and Canyonlands National Park. 100 miles to the south is the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. In short, if you like being outside, awestruck by Mother Nature’s talent for architecture, Southern Utah is Paradise.
Angel Canyon and Kanab are in what is called the Golden Circle, a centrally located resting point between Zion, Bryce, North Rim and Lake Powell. Best Friends owns 3,800 acres in the canyon, and leases several more from the Bureau of Land Management. On this chunk of land, they run the largest no-kill animal sanctuary in the country. Housing literally thousands of dogs, cats, bunnies, horses, burros, pigs and birds, they are sure to tug at the heart strings of any animal lover. The volunteer program starts with a heart-warming video and orientation, wherein you set up your schedule for each day you are available. We chose to spend each morning session (8:15 – Noon) working with Dogs, starting with Puppy Socialization class for the first 30 min. Our afternoons were mostly spent working in Cat Town, except for Wednesday which was spent in the Triple R Rabbit Retreat.
Duties can range from dog walking, pet grooming, playing and petting, to kennel cleaning and poop scooping. As much as I love animals, I did wonder whether or not I could spend my day off covered in feces and dirt and still feel like I was on vacation. Answer: Hell yes, I can! So much so that I’ve applied for a job at Best Friends and am seriously considering moving myself to that tiny town.
Animals never cease to amaze me, with their ability to forgive and forget. Particularly these animals, so many of which have been abused or abandoned. Sure, there are a few like Filly and Tobie (rescues from Hurricane Katrina) who walk on leash as far from you as they can… but even they are learning to take food from their caregiver’s hands. The process of recovering trust can be slow going, but these sweet creatures have not given up completely.
Words fail me when I try to capture what I experienced there. I can only say that I was happy. Happier than I’ve been in a while. It felt like a part of me that has been missing for a few years now was able to make a fleeting appearance. Best Friends is not only healing for the animals. It’s healing for the people who spend time there too. And as a butterfly sends a wind around the world, so does that little bit of focused healing cause a shift in the energies of Earth and all her children. It is Best Friends' philosophy that kindness towards animals is one step towards healing our planet, and I agree. And if you are not, in some portion of your life, creating a more positive tomorrow…what are you doing?
The desk job weighs even more heavily on me now than it did before. My soul, which felt leaden, has now darkened to numb. Add to that the fact that office politics and fragile egos have stirred up a mess of drama which left me broken and sobbing last Thursday night. I wake each morning with that sense of dread, that heavy weight of obligation rattling like ball & chain around my ankle.
There is a line in Parenthood, in which Steve Martin’s character says, “My whole life is HAVE TO.” I don’t want to wake up one day and find that is my life. Or perhaps, I’ve already had that waking moment. This LA life does not feed my soul. Its cluttered streets and angry people tear at my already tattered edges. In the quiet of Angel Canyon, I found a lightness of being that I have not felt in a long while. Although there were tasks to do, some unpleasant and challenging, there was never that foreboding sense of “have to.” There was choice and there was joy and there was a vibration of healing in each soft muzzle. Each time this office job pulls me to tears, I open up these pictures and remind myself of the great souls that I have had the pleasure to meet and to love.
However, I then signed up for NaBloPoMo , during which the goal is to post every day for a month. I signed up with the best of intentions, hoping that I would be inspired to communicate more frequently. Instead, I began to immediately feel the pressing weight of obligation. Quantity over quality seemed the result and I found myself resenting showing up at the blog. That was not my intention, and so I let myself off the hook and gave myself the permission to post as needed.
It didn’t hurt/help that November was a crazed month, filled with stress at work and then a wonderful vacation far away from computers. Hell, far away from cell phone reception or most of society. Tag and I spent the week of Thanksgiving volunteering at Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah.
If you’ve never been to Southern Utah, I highly recommend the trip. Zion and Bryce National Parks are some of the most beautiful places I’ve ever hiked. There is magic in their deep red rock formations, and a quiet thrum of vibrational energy that affects me body and soul. Not far north, there is both Arches National Park and Canyonlands National Park. 100 miles to the south is the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. In short, if you like being outside, awestruck by Mother Nature’s talent for architecture, Southern Utah is Paradise.
Angel Canyon and Kanab are in what is called the Golden Circle, a centrally located resting point between Zion, Bryce, North Rim and Lake Powell. Best Friends owns 3,800 acres in the canyon, and leases several more from the Bureau of Land Management. On this chunk of land, they run the largest no-kill animal sanctuary in the country. Housing literally thousands of dogs, cats, bunnies, horses, burros, pigs and birds, they are sure to tug at the heart strings of any animal lover. The volunteer program starts with a heart-warming video and orientation, wherein you set up your schedule for each day you are available. We chose to spend each morning session (8:15 – Noon) working with Dogs, starting with Puppy Socialization class for the first 30 min. Our afternoons were mostly spent working in Cat Town, except for Wednesday which was spent in the Triple R Rabbit Retreat.
Duties can range from dog walking, pet grooming, playing and petting, to kennel cleaning and poop scooping. As much as I love animals, I did wonder whether or not I could spend my day off covered in feces and dirt and still feel like I was on vacation. Answer: Hell yes, I can! So much so that I’ve applied for a job at Best Friends and am seriously considering moving myself to that tiny town.
Animals never cease to amaze me, with their ability to forgive and forget. Particularly these animals, so many of which have been abused or abandoned. Sure, there are a few like Filly and Tobie (rescues from Hurricane Katrina) who walk on leash as far from you as they can… but even they are learning to take food from their caregiver’s hands. The process of recovering trust can be slow going, but these sweet creatures have not given up completely.
Words fail me when I try to capture what I experienced there. I can only say that I was happy. Happier than I’ve been in a while. It felt like a part of me that has been missing for a few years now was able to make a fleeting appearance. Best Friends is not only healing for the animals. It’s healing for the people who spend time there too. And as a butterfly sends a wind around the world, so does that little bit of focused healing cause a shift in the energies of Earth and all her children. It is Best Friends' philosophy that kindness towards animals is one step towards healing our planet, and I agree. And if you are not, in some portion of your life, creating a more positive tomorrow…what are you doing?
The desk job weighs even more heavily on me now than it did before. My soul, which felt leaden, has now darkened to numb. Add to that the fact that office politics and fragile egos have stirred up a mess of drama which left me broken and sobbing last Thursday night. I wake each morning with that sense of dread, that heavy weight of obligation rattling like ball & chain around my ankle.
There is a line in Parenthood, in which Steve Martin’s character says, “My whole life is HAVE TO.” I don’t want to wake up one day and find that is my life. Or perhaps, I’ve already had that waking moment. This LA life does not feed my soul. Its cluttered streets and angry people tear at my already tattered edges. In the quiet of Angel Canyon, I found a lightness of being that I have not felt in a long while. Although there were tasks to do, some unpleasant and challenging, there was never that foreboding sense of “have to.” There was choice and there was joy and there was a vibration of healing in each soft muzzle. Each time this office job pulls me to tears, I open up these pictures and remind myself of the great souls that I have had the pleasure to meet and to love.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Slam-packed Saturday
Yesterday was Day 3 of NaBloPoMo (that's National Blog Posting Month, for those not in the know). The only goal for the month- to post at least once every day. And yet, Day 3... no post.
I could just sigh and give up, having missed an entry so early on in the race. Or I could quickly ramble on with some justification/explanation. I have chosen the latter.
Saturday morning began as many of them do. My alarm went off early, so that I could head down to Redondo to teach at the studio. A quick stop at the 7-11 for my "Green Machine" Naked Juice, and I was on my way. Early Saturday and Sunday mornings are one of the few times that you can enjoy the LA freeways with little or no traffic, and thankfully yesterday was no exception. I made it to the studio approximately 20 min before my 10 a.m. class started.
4 hours and 2 classes later, I had to close up shop and rush to Venice for hair coloring supplies. Finding parking in Venice on a warm sunny Saturday is impossible, so I paid some nice fellow $5 for a parking spot I used for 10 minutes. 5 tubs of Manic Panic color later, I jumped back in the car and headed to the domicile of my BFF Dreamschool. She's in massage school and needs practice student. My overly stressed, anxiety-ridden body posed some interesting challenges. Or as she said, "Your muscles mock my Swedish relaxation technique." Still, I'm not one to say no to a free massage, and I definitely did appreciate 70 min of downtime.
Wow. This post is boring. Sorry.
5:15 and I had to jump off the table and head to my hair appt. Julie at Shampoo Lounge is a genius with color, and currently I'm lavender with a bright pink ring around the hairline. I've also got a sassy new super short cut. I asked for something new, and definitely got it. Now I just have to figure out how to style it on an everyday basis.
Bleaching, plus coloring, plus cut, dry and style takes a bit of time, and it was 10:15 before I headed out, to join Shazam for her birthday celebrations. I'd already missed her dinner, but figured that I might be able to make the 11 p.m. comedy show that she was attending, if I rushed north on the 405 AND met with no traffic. A laughable concept on a weekend night, but I guess the gods were with me, because I found myself in North Hollywood a remarkable 25 minutes later. I sidled up to Shazam in the seat she'd saved for me in the front row and chuckled my way through the late show.
However, by the time I got out, it was after midnight... and I'd missed the posting deadline for the day. I staggered home (which I'd not been to since 9 a.m.), fed my ravenous cats, checked out my questionable visage in the mirror, and then gave up the ghost and slept. Despite the fact that Tag is out of town, I slept long and deeply, not waking until nearly noon this afternoon. Then I got up, did the dishes, watched some movies, cuddled with the fur-children. In short, I actually had rest Sunday. Yay!
No great revelations for the weekend. But sometimes, in my crazy life, a quiet normal weekend is an unexpected gift. Hope yours was also pleasant!
I could just sigh and give up, having missed an entry so early on in the race. Or I could quickly ramble on with some justification/explanation. I have chosen the latter.
Saturday morning began as many of them do. My alarm went off early, so that I could head down to Redondo to teach at the studio. A quick stop at the 7-11 for my "Green Machine" Naked Juice, and I was on my way. Early Saturday and Sunday mornings are one of the few times that you can enjoy the LA freeways with little or no traffic, and thankfully yesterday was no exception. I made it to the studio approximately 20 min before my 10 a.m. class started.
4 hours and 2 classes later, I had to close up shop and rush to Venice for hair coloring supplies. Finding parking in Venice on a warm sunny Saturday is impossible, so I paid some nice fellow $5 for a parking spot I used for 10 minutes. 5 tubs of Manic Panic color later, I jumped back in the car and headed to the domicile of my BFF Dreamschool. She's in massage school and needs practice student. My overly stressed, anxiety-ridden body posed some interesting challenges. Or as she said, "Your muscles mock my Swedish relaxation technique." Still, I'm not one to say no to a free massage, and I definitely did appreciate 70 min of downtime.
Wow. This post is boring. Sorry.
5:15 and I had to jump off the table and head to my hair appt. Julie at Shampoo Lounge is a genius with color, and currently I'm lavender with a bright pink ring around the hairline. I've also got a sassy new super short cut. I asked for something new, and definitely got it. Now I just have to figure out how to style it on an everyday basis.
Bleaching, plus coloring, plus cut, dry and style takes a bit of time, and it was 10:15 before I headed out, to join Shazam for her birthday celebrations. I'd already missed her dinner, but figured that I might be able to make the 11 p.m. comedy show that she was attending, if I rushed north on the 405 AND met with no traffic. A laughable concept on a weekend night, but I guess the gods were with me, because I found myself in North Hollywood a remarkable 25 minutes later. I sidled up to Shazam in the seat she'd saved for me in the front row and chuckled my way through the late show.
However, by the time I got out, it was after midnight... and I'd missed the posting deadline for the day. I staggered home (which I'd not been to since 9 a.m.), fed my ravenous cats, checked out my questionable visage in the mirror, and then gave up the ghost and slept. Despite the fact that Tag is out of town, I slept long and deeply, not waking until nearly noon this afternoon. Then I got up, did the dishes, watched some movies, cuddled with the fur-children. In short, I actually had rest Sunday. Yay!
No great revelations for the weekend. But sometimes, in my crazy life, a quiet normal weekend is an unexpected gift. Hope yours was also pleasant!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Returning
Nobody wants to leave paradise. Adam and Eve were not known for any sort of celebratory march out of the gates. Milton didn’t write Paradise: Meh, I’ll get there again eventually. Generally, the point is to get INTO Paradise, not out of it… so you can imagine the sad sense of dread that filled my stomach as I heard the wheels of the plane thud onto the tarmac at LAX.
Hawai’i was, as always, gorgeous beyond words. The Big Island continuously amazed me with the many ways in which it is different from Oahu, or, really, any place I’d ever been before. I blossomed in its rain forests, shivered in the magnificence of its volcanoes, and gloried in its endless blue seas. I slept deeply, lulled by assorted calls of wildlife. I woke each morning pre-dawn and watched light creep across the skies through the branches of the giant monkeypod tree that umbrellas over the resort like a protective spirit. And I swam with dolphins and turtles and a 100 other colorful denizens of the deep… over and over again.
Needless to say, I’m still adjusting to being back. The desk is restrictive and not near any windows and my heart just isn’t back at the office. Tag and I had a few conversations during which we seriously considered what we would need to do, and how we would have to work, in order to permanently relocate. It would be some years down the road, but it would be extraordinarily worth it.
If ever you get the chance to travel to Hawaii, please don’t deny yourself the experience.
However, until that boat comes in… please feel free to enjoy some of the scenery.
Hawai’i was, as always, gorgeous beyond words. The Big Island continuously amazed me with the many ways in which it is different from Oahu, or, really, any place I’d ever been before. I blossomed in its rain forests, shivered in the magnificence of its volcanoes, and gloried in its endless blue seas. I slept deeply, lulled by assorted calls of wildlife. I woke each morning pre-dawn and watched light creep across the skies through the branches of the giant monkeypod tree that umbrellas over the resort like a protective spirit. And I swam with dolphins and turtles and a 100 other colorful denizens of the deep… over and over again.
Needless to say, I’m still adjusting to being back. The desk is restrictive and not near any windows and my heart just isn’t back at the office. Tag and I had a few conversations during which we seriously considered what we would need to do, and how we would have to work, in order to permanently relocate. It would be some years down the road, but it would be extraordinarily worth it.
If ever you get the chance to travel to Hawaii, please don’t deny yourself the experience.
However, until that boat comes in… please feel free to enjoy some of the scenery.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Deathly Masqerade Teaching Hallows Bash Whirlwind of Activity
or in other words: Why YummyTeece has been MIA in the blogosphere
I'm so tired. Seriously, a body cannot keep up this pace for long, and I'm about at the end of my physical rope. So let me try to catch you up, before I fall into another fog.
LOJ 2007
The annual Labyrinth of Jareth was Friday & Saturday July 13 & 14th. Although I would have loved to go both nights, I simply couldn't prep separate outfits for each night for both Tag and myself. As it is, we only pulled things off as we did because Tag's brilliant assistant offered to make his furry pants (tail included).
I think we did pretty well.
More fairy-folk photo fun can be found here.
Work Party Fun Time
This summer, like last, I headed the committee to throw our annual Employee Bash. Think... you and 5 of your closest friends throw a free-for-all for about 700 people. Only you aren't working with your closest friends. You're hosting the event with the help of a few co-workers who are as bogged down as you are. After weeks of planning, and couple of days just running around like a mad chicken, the event came off without a hitch. The food was well received; we didn't run out of alcohol; the salsa lessons and picture spots were a hit. And after it was all cleaned up, and I had a few drinks with co-workers to chat and make new friends, I collapsed into a heap where I would have stayed for 2 days, if only I didn't have to be up 7 hours later to participate in....
Teaching
I arrive on Saturdays at 9:30, to set up and prep for the 10am class, and once that begins, I'm moving non-stop until 2pm. 4 hours straight of challenging muscle articulations as well as a constant narrative stream, trying to explain the correct posture and what muscles we are currently working. Tag takes the car and goes surfing (just 10 min down the street from the studio). He comes back refreshed and invigorated. I finish feeling renewed, but also like I was just hit by a Mack truck. Needless to say, I let him drive the hour back in traffic to our homestead...
Life at Home
...which by this point in the week, is usually DESPERATE for a cleaning. I begin to sweep and change litter boxes, while Tag may clean the bunny cage, or do dishes. He's also aces with the laundry. This week however, he used the time to forage for a much needed and long overdue AIR CONDITIONER!! Whoo hoo! He spent the rest of the afternoon installing it, while I continued to work on the pigsty we call home. However, once the cool air kicked in, and my legs finally gave out, I fwumped onto our couch and watched an endless supply of CSI.
In fact, it was only once dusk began to fall, and I was sprawled happily did I realize that ...
Deathly Hallows ABSENCE
*GASP* ... my copy of the new HP (with it's "release date delivery" guarantee) was NO WHERE to be found. Already my hard-core Harry Potter compatriots were emailing me with "Let me know when you finish the book. I want to discuss." I began to track furiously, searching Amazon and UPS's website for any details that might help me locate the missing tome. However, twas to no avail. And that's probably best, because it's not like I have anytime to read a 700 page book. *sigh*
Aquarium Member Surf Party
Tag and I are members of the Aquarium of the Pacific, and as such, were invited to their 21+ Adult Surf Party. Alcoholic drinks, a live band with surfy tunes and a gentle child-free stroll around the gorgeous aquarium grounds. Time to pet the bat rays in the touch pond without being interrupted by screaming, crying, or an ice cream being smushed into your side by sticky little fingers who have no attached attention span. Now as tired as I was, I had no urge to go all the way down to Long Beach, but the evening turned out to be well worth it. Peaceful and lovely.
Teece contemplates her margarita by moonlight.
In short:
"please excuse Yummyteece from school/work/blogging/life today as she was tired and not feeling well. Thank you."
I'm so tired. Seriously, a body cannot keep up this pace for long, and I'm about at the end of my physical rope. So let me try to catch you up, before I fall into another fog.
LOJ 2007
The annual Labyrinth of Jareth was Friday & Saturday July 13 & 14th. Although I would have loved to go both nights, I simply couldn't prep separate outfits for each night for both Tag and myself. As it is, we only pulled things off as we did because Tag's brilliant assistant offered to make his furry pants (tail included).
I think we did pretty well.
More fairy-folk photo fun can be found here.
Work Party Fun Time
This summer, like last, I headed the committee to throw our annual Employee Bash. Think... you and 5 of your closest friends throw a free-for-all for about 700 people. Only you aren't working with your closest friends. You're hosting the event with the help of a few co-workers who are as bogged down as you are. After weeks of planning, and couple of days just running around like a mad chicken, the event came off without a hitch. The food was well received; we didn't run out of alcohol; the salsa lessons and picture spots were a hit. And after it was all cleaned up, and I had a few drinks with co-workers to chat and make new friends, I collapsed into a heap where I would have stayed for 2 days, if only I didn't have to be up 7 hours later to participate in....
Teaching
I arrive on Saturdays at 9:30, to set up and prep for the 10am class, and once that begins, I'm moving non-stop until 2pm. 4 hours straight of challenging muscle articulations as well as a constant narrative stream, trying to explain the correct posture and what muscles we are currently working. Tag takes the car and goes surfing (just 10 min down the street from the studio). He comes back refreshed and invigorated. I finish feeling renewed, but also like I was just hit by a Mack truck. Needless to say, I let him drive the hour back in traffic to our homestead...
Life at Home
...which by this point in the week, is usually DESPERATE for a cleaning. I begin to sweep and change litter boxes, while Tag may clean the bunny cage, or do dishes. He's also aces with the laundry. This week however, he used the time to forage for a much needed and long overdue AIR CONDITIONER!! Whoo hoo! He spent the rest of the afternoon installing it, while I continued to work on the pigsty we call home. However, once the cool air kicked in, and my legs finally gave out, I fwumped onto our couch and watched an endless supply of CSI.
In fact, it was only once dusk began to fall, and I was sprawled happily did I realize that ...
Deathly Hallows ABSENCE
*GASP* ... my copy of the new HP (with it's "release date delivery" guarantee) was NO WHERE to be found. Already my hard-core Harry Potter compatriots were emailing me with "Let me know when you finish the book. I want to discuss." I began to track furiously, searching Amazon and UPS's website for any details that might help me locate the missing tome. However, twas to no avail. And that's probably best, because it's not like I have anytime to read a 700 page book. *sigh*
Aquarium Member Surf Party
Tag and I are members of the Aquarium of the Pacific, and as such, were invited to their 21+ Adult Surf Party. Alcoholic drinks, a live band with surfy tunes and a gentle child-free stroll around the gorgeous aquarium grounds. Time to pet the bat rays in the touch pond without being interrupted by screaming, crying, or an ice cream being smushed into your side by sticky little fingers who have no attached attention span. Now as tired as I was, I had no urge to go all the way down to Long Beach, but the evening turned out to be well worth it. Peaceful and lovely.
Teece contemplates her margarita by moonlight.Wrapping Up
With all that behind us now, life can almost return to a normal pace; fraught with work issues and overwhelming schedules. I've still not read Harry Potter. I was over at Amandarin's last night, caring for her cats, and she had left her copy out for me to start. I sat on her couch and opened it... and began dropping off to sleep as I read page 1. I couldn't retain a sentence moments after I'd finished reading it, so I set the book aside and tried not to drool in my semi-comatose state. I hope to begin again this evening and make it at least through the first chapter. However, before that happens I have to pick up dry cleaning and take it to the theatre (oh yes, I'm on 8 weeks of laundry duty for my theatre group. Because I guess had some extra time in my schedule!!! eeek!)
In short:
"please excuse Yummyteece from school/work/blogging/life today as she was tired and not feeling well. Thank you."
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Morning After
Day 1 - Post Detox, wherein the world attempts to return back to "normal"
Our dietary journey has ended (although many of the healthy habits will be retained). It was both challenging and insightful. I was thrilled to imbibe in my first cup of coffee this morning, but didn't need my usual amount of sugar. Lunch was tofu chili, but there was freedom in it because I knew that if I'd wanted to, I could have had meat in there instead. A world of new culinary options has opened up to me, and while I will return to my omnivore ways... I intend to continue my love affair with our Jack LaLanne Power Juicer.
However, when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of it, one discovery leaps to mind as most important.
I am not an alcoholic.
I apologize if that comes off somewhat tongue in cheek, because it is not meant that way. It is in fact a very solid and relief-filled statement. Many a time in my life, my addictive personality has leaned towards one vice or another as a form of escape. I've shared the company of several alcoholics (recovering and otherwise) in both my romantic and platonic relationships, enough times to make me wonder at the "birds of a feather" phenomena. And there are definite periods of my life wherein my own behaviors and tendencies scared me (like the 10 months I kept a bottle of vodka under the driver's seat of the car, for lunch breaks.) Therefore, the concept of going 30 days without alcohol seemed absolutely daunting. In practice though, abstaining was surprisingly easy.
Sure, there were bad days, stressful situations, & maudlin moods, to which my first instinctive response was "If only I had a glass of wine..." But then I would remind myself that it wasn't an option, and the urge would pass.
Let me repeat that.... the urge would pass. It didn't haunt me. It didn't keep me up at night. It didn't keep me from going to work, or dealing with unpleasantness. It would just fade away, like most of the other cravings (and faster than some.)
We have a bottle of red in the house even as I type, but it never occurred to me to open it prematurely. It was bought for that celebratory glass at the end of the road, and that's what it is waiting for still. (T minus 5 hours, and counting)
And when that long awaited moment comes, I will toast to willpower, to strength I didn't know I had, and to a future of better health and wiser coping mechanisms.
I will also toast Tag, as I couldn't have done this without him. *mwah* Thanks babe!
Our dietary journey has ended (although many of the healthy habits will be retained). It was both challenging and insightful. I was thrilled to imbibe in my first cup of coffee this morning, but didn't need my usual amount of sugar. Lunch was tofu chili, but there was freedom in it because I knew that if I'd wanted to, I could have had meat in there instead. A world of new culinary options has opened up to me, and while I will return to my omnivore ways... I intend to continue my love affair with our Jack LaLanne Power Juicer.
However, when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of it, one discovery leaps to mind as most important.
I am not an alcoholic.
I apologize if that comes off somewhat tongue in cheek, because it is not meant that way. It is in fact a very solid and relief-filled statement. Many a time in my life, my addictive personality has leaned towards one vice or another as a form of escape. I've shared the company of several alcoholics (recovering and otherwise) in both my romantic and platonic relationships, enough times to make me wonder at the "birds of a feather" phenomena. And there are definite periods of my life wherein my own behaviors and tendencies scared me (like the 10 months I kept a bottle of vodka under the driver's seat of the car, for lunch breaks.) Therefore, the concept of going 30 days without alcohol seemed absolutely daunting. In practice though, abstaining was surprisingly easy.
Sure, there were bad days, stressful situations, & maudlin moods, to which my first instinctive response was "If only I had a glass of wine..." But then I would remind myself that it wasn't an option, and the urge would pass.
Let me repeat that.... the urge would pass. It didn't haunt me. It didn't keep me up at night. It didn't keep me from going to work, or dealing with unpleasantness. It would just fade away, like most of the other cravings (and faster than some.)
We have a bottle of red in the house even as I type, but it never occurred to me to open it prematurely. It was bought for that celebratory glass at the end of the road, and that's what it is waiting for still. (T minus 5 hours, and counting)
And when that long awaited moment comes, I will toast to willpower, to strength I didn't know I had, and to a future of better health and wiser coping mechanisms.
I will also toast Tag, as I couldn't have done this without him. *mwah* Thanks babe!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Wrapping up 2006
Oh my dears.... so much time passed. I guess that when I'm happy, I'm a less prolific writer. Therefore pardon my absence, but know that by and large, it's due to a busy and blissful life.
December was a rush. I helped plan the Company Holiday party, which also just happened to be on my 35th birthday. 900+ people at a plush Hollywood hotspot..... quite the way to ring out 34. And as you can see... I looked quite sassy doing so.
The Night begins with a little Champagne and a whole lot of Silliness.
Midnight Snugglies ring in 2007.
Oopsie..... turns out Champagne and Bombay Sapphire don't mix well.
I hope that you and yours were able to celebrate as happily and as safely, and that 2007 opens doors that mystify your sense of wonder and elate your heart.
After the holiday party, I decided to further celebrate my refusal to get old by coloring my hair a fun and unusual color. My colorist called it "Electric Cranberry".... but usually people tell me it's either Pink or Bright Red.
Winter Solstice brought an early gift for my beloved Tag.... in the form of an ever-curious kitten named "Cash" (as in "the Cat in Black"), seen here giving my schnoz a nibble...
Lastly, we rang in the New Year at an intimate gathering hosted by the SlackMistress , where fun was had by all. Even those who didn't quite make it through the whole party (but I won't name names.... *wink*)
Instead, I'll post pics. *grin*
The Night begins with a little Champagne and a whole lot of Silliness.
Midnight Snugglies ring in 2007. 
Oopsie..... turns out Champagne and Bombay Sapphire don't mix well. I hope that you and yours were able to celebrate as happily and as safely, and that 2007 opens doors that mystify your sense of wonder and elate your heart.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Running Ragged
"Where does the time go?
Simply too few hours in the day.
Oh, a Diva's work is never done."
~ Carlotta's song, "Phantom"
(that's the Yeston & Kopit version folks! Far Superior, IMHO, that the Andrew Lloyd Webber one)
Seriously, I haven't seemed to catch up lately. The good news is that it's largely been all positive.
Simply too few hours in the day.
Oh, a Diva's work is never done."
~ Carlotta's song, "Phantom"
(that's the Yeston & Kopit version folks! Far Superior, IMHO, that the Andrew Lloyd Webber one)
Seriously, I haven't seemed to catch up lately. The good news is that it's largely been all positive.
- The day job took a brief header into unhappy land, and it continues to be insanely busy... but the morale is improving, and the long awaited employee "Bash" that I had to organize is finally coming together nicely. It occurs this Friday, and after that, I should be less crazed.
- The Dance Studio continues to be a source of joy and challenge in my life. Class + Training + Front Desk Duties = additional job with heck of a commute. And my body is in a rebellious phase, where it just doesn't want to release into the music. The feeling is that of being a shaken bottle of soda... just waiting for the cap to twist.
- Got cast in 2 (count em.... 2!) Voice Over jobs with a major video game company. Have recorded one already, and just scheduled studio time for the second. Sadly, I can give you no further details as they are both top secret projects.
- Also cast in Infomercial for upcoming fitness product. You know the type... just "5 min a day" (small print at bottom says "... when used as a part of a regular workout routine and balanced eating plan"). Well, the product is fairly simple ... it's the regular workout and eating plan that summarily kicking my ass. Particularly the part where I get up at 5am M, W, & F mornings so I can make it to the gym to meet the group with the trainer. UGH!
- I inherited a short-term emergency roomie. She's a genteel and sweet thing whose luck has not been the greatest as of late, so I'm offering her safe space and hopefully some entertaining conversation. She brings with her 2 kitties, who are characters in their own rights... and so the household inhabitants number is (counting all the fur babies) up to 7. We are grossly outnumbered by the carnivores, but as long as they don't have thumbs, we will continue our reign of matriarchal tyranny.
- Lastly, but certainly not least in my life.... Tag & I continue to be deliriously happy, despite the distance difficulties. Late July, we are scheduled for a long weekend on an island, and that is the touchstone that keeps me plugging ever forward.
That, my dears, is all the news fit to print. I'd love to be wittier .... but I'm just too damn tired.
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