Had lunch with the fabulous Mandarin. Once again i praise the stars that bring brilliant Leo ladies into my life.
She asked "Do you think that the 'great love that got away' can be one sided?"
and I think to Sexy Lexy, and Murph, and the different people who have played different roles in my life. I think of Cowardly Lion, and The Bug, and the roles I played in their lives and i say...
YES.... it can all be one-sided.
Mandarin is in the throes (yes, i spell checked that) of a "Happily Ever After" gone brilliantly and amazingly right. So clearly she speaks not of her current affair. But it brought up thoughts for me.
Lexy.... gone, but not forgotten. Lifetimes of work, lost at the bottom of a bottle. Does he ever think of me and wonder 'what's she doing now?' Would i care if he did? (OH HELL YES I WOULD... ok.. just asking- checking the dysfunctional meter)
Murph, a closed chapter in a book that was read and re-read. Friends with that awkward edge that says "i may never be able to fully grasp how you changed my life. I only know that you can't do it anymore". No one says "look what got away". No one says anything outside of cordial greeting and pleasantries.
The Cowardly Lion will forever praise me as the one who called his spade a spade and walked away. He worships the ground I walk on. Me?... i feel sorry for his wife.
The Bug.... oh lord.. let's not go there, shall we. I finished that long ago. I declare this life and any following to be "bug free". That he has renegged on that agreement is not my doing. If he shows up at my parent's house one more time, one of the following will happen: I will call FL police, report him as trespassing and go about filing a restraining order in that state-- or My father will shoot him, and I will have to go bail my Dad for dealing with out for bad decisions I once made.
Dreamschool- could anyone ask for a better friend with which to walk thru most of life? We discuss our situations, and we talk about our parallel (and sometimes not) paths.... and it all seem off, and yet make perfect sense (unlike this blog, CLEARLY)
Mandarin had a moment's weeping for her potential Hatian Boats, but realized the price is worth the prize (keep that Fig tree alive, girl!!) I on the other hand, look to my lost mentor Christopher Todd, and wonder where is, and how proud he would be to see his protegee's aquired life skills.
We all have our deals with the angels and master teachers. We are in the classes we signed up for. We mourn what we don't have when it is our choices that have led us to the seats in which we currently sit.
Jump in the side car on the motorcycle the gods drive and stop bitching about the wind in your hair. Skydive out of a perfectly good airplane, but dont' you dare complain about the fall.
It's all choices. We are where we are because we want to be there.
Anyone who says anything differently is selling something.