Tuesday, August 30, 2005
New Orleans is one of my favorite towns to visit, and I place I have often thought of moving to. Additionally, I have friends in Louisiana and Mississippi, some of which I have not heard from yet. I remain concerned.
Flooding continues to worsen! Lives continue to be lost. Now is the time to focus good energies on the area, and donate to organizations (perhaps Red Cross) that are providing relief for this troubled area of the country.
There is nothing "Easy" about life in the Big Easy right now.
N'awlins.... our thoughts and prayers remain with you and yours.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
However, he just texted me to say he's in the eye of Hurricane Katrina right now, and I'm sooooo jealous.
i miss hurricane season. The heavy summer downpours, the howling wind. SO Sexy.
3 jobs right now, although one is about to go away, so I'm looking for a new one. I leave my house about 8am, and don't get back till midnight... IF THEN. Today is the first day in .. let's see... 2 weeks that I'll get to just GO HOME after work. I'm very excited. I have about 2 weeks of laundry to catch up on. YIPES.
This weekend, I've actually arranged to have some free time (between bouts of working at the dance studio) and you can bet your sweet butts I'll be outside in some of this glorious weather Southern Cali has been kicking up. I'm longing for a little quality time at the beach, or hiking up in the Malibu Canyons.
Next week, it's ultra busy as well --
Monday night, dance class
Tuesday night, coven meeting
Wednesday, Band Rehearsal followed by the Wednesday Night Dance Party (end o' the month!)
Thursday, dance class again
Friday, Dream School Diary has our last show of the summer season. Be sure to come check us out, as I'll be singing Lead Vox on "Last Time" again (yes, for you Danny Elfman fans, that is a cover from the "So-Lo" album)
I'll no doubt be "tramming" at Uni over the holiday weekend.
Highlights to come for September:
11th - Pagan Pride here in LA
30th- Bootie returns to Los Angeles for some off the hook tunes with the hottest San Fran DJ’s
It was, as they say, "Off the hook" *grin*
The Fabulous Edley and his ever popular (tho sometimes disturbing) Monkey Hat! I'm sorry the Monkey is not more visible in the image. Just trust me on the fact that he's disturbing.
This is my curse you understand. Ever surrounded by sexy people. Two Uni co-workers, getting jiggy with martinis and sleepwear.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
1 yr ago- 2004
an interesting year... coming off the high that was the explosive end of 2003
-Spent first 5 months of 2004 looking for work, and scrambling to pay the bills.
- Get job at Universal Studios as Tour Guide. One of the most difficult acting jobs I've had to land here in LA. Lots of auditions, even more memorization and training.
- First casualty in my 'reduce the drama' program.
- I am blessed to be able to spend a week in ATL with Sigma sister, goddess daughter and a great deal of the Georgia based LJ posse.
- Dobby joins the family! My first kitten in 8 years, Dobby reminds me daily that older cats are GOOD!
- I return to school, studying first aid and biology. Not only do I remember how to be a student, but I find that I REALLY like it.
- Got job from HELL at DCE. Little did i know at that time what a trial by fire that would be. The training ground for "just how shitty will you let your life get before you take action."
- Perform "Under the Big Top" with Golden State Theatre
- Help form my little coven, HWofPS
- Ry & I end 3 1/2 yr relationship. The ramifications of which still hit me fairly regularly.
-Conquer my fear of karaoke
-Make $1500 in 3 voice over jobs.
- Begin singing with Dream School Diary
- Apply for EATM program
The great restructuring has begun.
Time to complete soul-shift..... 3 years and counting. Enlightenment, here I come. *giggle*
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
3 years ago- 2002
i have little to no memory of 2002.
- I was unemployeed, pursuing acting and living on the money my grandmother had left when she passed.
-I had long black and blue micro braids that went to mid back. I loved those things. Shazam and I formed the dance team formerly known as "Booty & Hair Extentions"
- Spring 2002, I joined Golden State Theatre for their production of "The NEW Adventures of Alice in Wonderland". I was spectacular as the Queen of Hearts, and lucky enough to develop new friendships with strong amazing women who work with that group.
- March 29, 2002- Ry & I celebrated our 1st year anniversary. I think we were in Catalina with his parents on the actual day.
- I worked semi-regularly on "Young & Restless" as a local bad girl (glorified extra work, but my reoccurances told a story. My first scene i was being arrested. My next scene i was in jail. I was a problem customer at a local coffee house. A voyeur of a huge fire in town, and lastly picked up a gig as a waitress at the local dive bar. In my personal 'backstory', i had a parole officer with a heart of gold, hoping to reform this young tough deviant)
- I think 2002 is the year that on Dec 24th, i UNWISELY decided to go out drinking with Alaska Bear& friends for Christmas Eve. I was drinking with multiple Alaskans, all of whom were male, and seriously outweighed me... so trying to "keep up" drink for drink was a very bad plan. Especially when we were mixing Guiness and Jagermeister. I would guess i had 4 - 5 shots and 6 or 7 beers within the course of 3 hours. The projectile vomitting began shortly thereafter, and stayed with me for a couple of days. That was my last really serious bout of alcohol poisoning. Hmm... Then again, that might have been Christmas 2001. It is understandably a blurry memory!
Monday, August 22, 2005
5 years ago- 2000
Wow... did shit ever start to spin wildly out of control here. I was 28 for a bulk of the year, and thus DEEPLY within my Saturn Return.
- New Years, stroke of midnight, i was on the streets of New Orleans, kissing the love of my life, AlaskaBear, wrapped in a moment that was a blur of exciting life, drunken strangers, magical city and amazing fireworks.
- Jan 2 to May, quick and steady spiral downhill as Bear can't hold down a job or climb out of the bottle of Jack Daniels in which he perpetually lives. Trying to learn to speak up for myself, i mention that "we" are not working and we should either attempt to fix it, or walk away. Takes him about 3.5 seconds to say good-bye.
- Dejected and crumpled and broken in a way i have not been before or since, i jump into "THE WORK" and begin to do everything i can to process that Saturn so a moment this heartbreaking will not occur again.
- Summer 2000 and the 3 year trip that is "The Bacchae" is finally being put on celluloid. Director and Producer are at each other's throats. Additionally Alaska Bear is also working on this film, so there are moments of "we need to talk" and moments of not talking at all. Moments of drunken confessions, moments of heated passion (read: hot post break up sex). Drama is everywhere. Sometimes I feel empowered, as one of the women on set that others look up to. Most of the time, I find myself slipping around a corner to weep, because Bear is flirting with everyone except me
- July 29- Dreamschool turns "29 on the 29th". It's a randy party weekend for me as well. My predatory need for vengance rises to the surface, and the "Haitian Boat" is born
- Nov 2000- I get my first cell phone. LOL.. it helps me manage the "Boat Boys". *evil grin* God bless technology.
I wasn't going to do this one, only as i read other's responses... it made me think "Good lord, what what going on back then?" So I've decided to take this moment to reflect
10 years Ago- 1995
- living back at my parent's house after my return from England. The Bug and i were 6 months into a relationship that was about to horribly horribly wrong.
- after learning about the first round of infidelities, I realizied that my life was centered around Bug, not around theatre. So I auditioned for one of the biggest jobs of my life- year long apprenticeship at Equity theatre in Southern FL. They did two rounds of auditions, one in FL and one in NYC. With that sort of competition, I never really thought I'd get in. So i auditioned with "nothing to lose". I had a phenomenal audition, and I was one of only 2 that were accepted from the FL screening, the other being a friend of mine from College.
-August 95, I moved to Jupiter, FL, to begin full-time indentured servitude. Living slave, along with my other fellow apprenti. It was truly the best of times & the worst of times. First roomie was psycho who needed to know my every move, therefore I moved out of "girl apprentice" apartments and into the one un-filled bed, in the boy's place, where i literally shared a room with one of my all time favorite gay men.
- The remainder of 95 was full of 8 shows a week of "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers", "Guys & Dolls", & "Evita", as well as 2 childrens shows that went on during the days we weren't doing the larger shows. Additional work included tech assignments, chores around the theatre, and of course, endless hours of rehearsals.
- The Bug was furious that I'd choose my career over our disasterous and abusive relationship, so his infidelities increased. I met that eye for an eye by briefly rekindling with "the first Christian" and starting a short but passionate affair with the Texas Tech.
-ok... just sitting here grinning as I remember my time with Texas. Margaritas by the truckload. And we shared even more laughter than we did margaritas. I remember sleeping out on the patio under the stars, driving in his car late at night, listening to NIN just to keep our sanity, bondage moments at the Halloween party, entertaining Randy with a show in the living room, a crab crossing the highway while we worked on being half dressed, laughing at the distraction... and lastly, my favorite memory.... the stupid mudfight on the beach that started it all.
I miss you Texas.
Friday, August 19, 2005
"Oh.. who?" I ask. They tell me his name, Joe Ranft, and then further qualify "He was the voice of Heimleich in 'Bug's Life'."
Oh god.... i was on the phone with that man like a month ago. I helped arrange tickets to the park for when he was going to be in town with his family. I chatted with him. He was light and funny, and I enjoyed telling him that Heimleich was my favorite character in 'Bug's Life'.
...and he's gone now.
he has a family.
his parents are still alive. How hard must THAT be? To be in your senior years, and suddenly discover you've outlived your son?
I didn't know him.
I wasn't friends or family to any of his.
Still I feel the cold breeze as Death passes by, black tattered cloak fluttering in the airless room.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
She asked "Do you think that the 'great love that got away' can be one sided?"
and I think to Sexy Lexy, and Murph, and the different people who have played different roles in my life. I think of Cowardly Lion, and The Bug, and the roles I played in their lives and i say...
YES.... it can all be one-sided.
Mandarin is in the throes (yes, i spell checked that) of a "Happily Ever After" gone brilliantly and amazingly right. So clearly she speaks not of her current affair. But it brought up thoughts for me.
Lexy.... gone, but not forgotten. Lifetimes of work, lost at the bottom of a bottle. Does he ever think of me and wonder 'what's she doing now?' Would i care if he did? (OH HELL YES I WOULD... ok.. just asking- checking the dysfunctional meter)
Murph, a closed chapter in a book that was read and re-read. Friends with that awkward edge that says "i may never be able to fully grasp how you changed my life. I only know that you can't do it anymore". No one says "look what got away". No one says anything outside of cordial greeting and pleasantries.
The Cowardly Lion will forever praise me as the one who called his spade a spade and walked away. He worships the ground I walk on. Me?... i feel sorry for his wife.
The Bug.... oh lord.. let's not go there, shall we. I finished that long ago. I declare this life and any following to be "bug free". That he has renegged on that agreement is not my doing. If he shows up at my parent's house one more time, one of the following will happen: I will call FL police, report him as trespassing and go about filing a restraining order in that state-- or My father will shoot him, and I will have to go bail my Dad for dealing with out for bad decisions I once made.
Dreamschool- could anyone ask for a better friend with which to walk thru most of life? We discuss our situations, and we talk about our parallel (and sometimes not) paths.... and it all seem off, and yet make perfect sense (unlike this blog, CLEARLY)
Mandarin had a moment's weeping for her potential Hatian Boats, but realized the price is worth the prize (keep that Fig tree alive, girl!!) I on the other hand, look to my lost mentor Christopher Todd, and wonder where is, and how proud he would be to see his protegee's aquired life skills.
We all have our deals with the angels and master teachers. We are in the classes we signed up for. We mourn what we don't have when it is our choices that have led us to the seats in which we currently sit.
Jump in the side car on the motorcycle the gods drive and stop bitching about the wind in your hair. Skydive out of a perfectly good airplane, but dont' you dare complain about the fall.
It's all choices. We are where we are because we want to be there.
Anyone who says anything differently is selling something.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
The tag is to list 5 "cherished idiosyncrasies". I don't know that these are cherished, but hey... they are a little odd.
1. My family taught me long ago not to eat the first or last of anything. I of course have gotten slightly better at this since I live alone, but if I’m with a roommate, I’m telling you, that last Oreo will rot on the vine before I’ll eat it. (come to think of it, a huge amount of food rots in my fridge, because I buy it, but never open it.)
2. I always put my right contact in first in the morning. If for some reason I accidentally put the left on in first… I will still, without thinking, put the second one in the left eye too, leaving myself with both contacts in the same eye. Ouch!
3. I keep the trunk of my car full of shit I don’t need, just to keep the tool-box (which I might need) from sliding around making crashy noises when I make a turn.
4. There are dead things in my freezer. I won’t go into detail.
5. Standard theatre weirdness: I DO NOT say the name of the Scottish play inside a theatre, whether I am backstage or in an audience. I was at a show the other night, and hear an audience member reference the Scottish play by name and I literally shivered and was a bit panicked for an hour or so afterwards. Thankfully nothing wretched happened.
Consider yourself tagged!
After the work debacle of last week, i find myself once again seeking more permanant work. Second interview at Dreamworks today... i think 3:30. Unfortunately, i was in the car driving when they called me about that, so I'm trying to read the post-it i hastily wrote.
Then there's my spiritual group tonight. I'm supposed to host the coven meeting... but i have little to no idea what I"m going to do for tonight's ritual.
additionally, people come by and ask "how's the acting going?" , to which i find myself thinking..."Acting? oh right.. i came to LA to act... HAHAHAHAHA... yeah, like i have any fucking time for that. " I realize.. if i were passionate about it, i would find that time. So what is it that so distracts me from passion? I've noticed a lighter step to me lately. More, if not joy, at least an even keeled flowing of energy.
it's a little scary that the flow of "passion" and "theatre/acting" also seems to run in synchronous step with the "misery" and "dark moods"... while the happy light times in my life are these moments where i'm just so busy putting one foot in front of the either that i have no time worry about the future, i can only find the energy to be in the now. Course that also means i don't have goals and i don't move forward.
Could it be we are happiest when NOT pursuing our dreams? that's not to say we are living in a rut... but just... oh i don't know. This thought is not completely formulated. It's just pouring out thru typing fingertips.
As long as i keep dancing, i have fun.
Acting as hobby feels wonderful. Acting as profession drags me down. Acting and despair seem to go hand in hand.
Dancing is joy to me. Dancing is release. There is defiantely an upswing of my moods since the dancing Wedensday began, and since I got back to SFactor.
Perhaps "following my bliss" means walking away from that thing I always thought i was headed towards.
While for some... "the rest is silence"....
for me, "the rest" has a groovin dance beat.
Monday, August 15, 2005
The Mission: Complete 101 pre-set tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. Represent some amount of work on my part). Be not afraid of failure… dream big, aim high… surprise yourself!
Inspiration: The 101/1001 challenge seems to have been passed from blogger to blogger, many of them starting (at least in the circle of folks I know) last November (2004). I personally found this in the brilliant blog of Amandarin
I believe in goal setting, and hope that this experiment will push me ever onward to discover what it is this Universe is offering me.
Start Date: Aug 13, 2005
Finish Date: Saturday, May 10, 2008
Below are my 101 tasks (grouped for easier reading)
April 07 Update: I realize that I gave myself an unattainable amount of travel, as well as setting goals that have changed due to circumstances. Therefore I am removing them, and replacing them with others.
Renew that Passport (working on this. Sent away for notarized copy of birth certificate. Will send that to LA passport office, once i get it)
Visit Rio De Janeiro REMOVED (postponed till after 08) Return to New Orleans for a sultry sensory experience REMOVED: Written before Katrina hit.... I do intend to get to NO again someday, but I'm letting her heal a bit before i go.
Hike Macchu Picchu
Visit Montana for no apparent reason, other than it’s on this list.
Get to NYC to shower all my peeps there with overdue love and attention
Spend at least a week in Hawaii on island other than Oahu
NEW- Visit 2 US states that I've never been to before DONE. I realized after I wrote this that my cross-country road trip with Tag (in October 06) had me spending time in Illinois, Missouri, & Kansas... all of which were new to me. See that GD park in Hong Kong! REMOVED (postponed till after 08) Attend Burning Man REMOVED (I may or maynot go, but it won't be before May 08)
NEW- Take Tag on a roadtrip to Northern Cali
Go back to Temple of Sekhmet in Nevada
Spend a day someplace tranquil. Tuesday, May 2nd at the San Diego Zoo
Health & Fitness
Lose 30 lbs
Keep those 30 lbs off for at least 6 months
Go without drinking alcohol for a month (EEEK!)
Establish some sort of exercise schedule that includes 45 min aerobics 3x a week, and muscle toning 3 times a week (yoga, pilates, dance class all count for this one) I'm doing dance class 3 times a week now, so all I have to add is the aerobic
NEW- Participate in triathlon or another marathon
Tight Toned arms (such that you are never embarrassed to wear tank-tops or other sleeveless accoutrement)
Try Juicing for a month (meaning at least 2 – 3 times a week, replace a meal/supplement my craptastic diet with a multi juice beverage, freshly prepared. )
Take a Martial Arts class
NEW- Take a boxing class
Fast for 10 days.
Keep food & water journal for a least a week DONE, but I'm working on doing this on a more regular basis.
Do the Damn Core Secrets video I bought months ago
Incorporate daily vegetable consumption into diet. (green things, every day, for at least a month)
Regular (at least 1x a month) massage
Regular (at least 1x a month) chiropractics Every other week, since Aug 2006 Get up-to date with all required “well-woman” DONE July 2006 Get dental check up (cleaning etc) Not only DONE, but I had my follow-up "6 month" check up in March 07 Buy new glasses, that have proper prescription and look good DONE
Attend 2 year EATM program, such that all Animal Jobs are possible REMOVED, for now: (even if I apply this year and am accepted, I won't start until August 08. So this will not be done in time. However, I've not walked away from this dream. Therefore, consider this item merely Postponed) Complete Teacher Training at S Factor Slight change here... in teacher training at SoulTree
Teach my first Soultree Class (CLOSE... I shadow taught this weekend, filling in sections in two different classes)
Get Cast in something you’d see on TV (commercial, video or TV Show) Amandarin pointed out that my AbPony infommercial counted for this one.
Get cast in a Theatre show (for adults, with at least 2 week run)
Get VO demo done
Get VO Agent!
Finally reach 1000 hrs at USH REMOVED: Because of job and teacher training, I have left USH Investigate Dee’s class REMOVED: Just not interested in this anymore.
Start saving for retirement YAY! Started my 401K April07 Get a Day Job that doesn’t suck my soul dry, and still pays well Whoo hoo!
Have excess finances such that Travel is possible- working on this
Stop living Paycheck to Paycheck!- working on this
Have Finances available for EATM program (yes, student loans and grants count)
Find money for SoulTree Teacher Training Paying for teacher training by bartering hours at Soul Tree
Get 90K mile check up on Most Honorable Honda-San
pay off the money I owe my parents!- in progress
Finish up loan payments with Auriton- in progress
NEW- Pay off other debts
Begin Energy work to clear blocks (particularly to body image & finances)
Make Meditation a
daily weekly practice
Swim with Dolphins!
Trance Dance at some sort of Festival
Experience lucid dreaming
Allow myself to get REALLY VERY ANGRY. Become OK with anger.
Manifestations of Material Goods
Find living space that feeds the soul but doesn’t rape the bank account Oddly enough, my own apartment is becoming this again. Yay!
Buy a dance pole!
I-pod (or equally fantastic MP3 player) With tax rebate, April 2006 New TV Oct 2005 (a gift from the Hottie) New Cell Phone Sept 2005
Buy DVD player
Get that Jack LaLane super juicer thing that I’ve been coveting on Infomercials for ever. DONE!! Tag and I look forward to christening it soon. Throw out dinosaur currently masquerading as home computer and get NEW one that works (and does what you need it to) DONE. Old computer gone, and I inherited a Mac laptop from Tag (the man of many computers).
Buy one of those GORGEOUS leather corsets I see at Faire each year.
Read all the books on my “borrowed from friends” pile
Find “The Vanishing Room” and give it back to M & B DONE
Rent/Watch “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra”
Buy “LOTR” trilogy on DVD. DONE See “Sin City” Fall 2005 Write my own song to perform with band REMOVED: Sadly band is no longer around
Find and attend a rave (cause I’m craving one of those!)
Buy “Las Vegas” season 1 on DVD REMOVED: just not interested anymore Visit a Dungeon DONE
Learn to dance the Tango
Get rid of that damn ugly ass loveseat DONE DONE DONE While I’m at it, get rid of that horrible easy chair too DONE
Sort thru the boxes in the Guest Bedroom
NEW- Re-do Guest Room into Tag's office space
NEW- Paint bedroom
Finish and send in volunteer application for Wildlife Waystation!
NEW- Volunteer with Best Friends Sanctuary in Utah
Go back to getting waxed ( I hate shaving so very very much) Rio, baby!
Treat myself to a day at the spa
Get my hair color re-done (roots aren’t pretty) Done
Catch up on your back filing at the house!
Properly garden Although the jasmine didn't make it, the rest of the plants are doing well.
Make a plate of cookies for Christina.
Gather art from all various storage places and put it in all in one spot where I can find it.
Frame Muth doodle
Frame “Haunted Mansion” cat picture
Frame mermaid art
Go thru the kitchen fridge and pantry and throw out all the stuff I am never going to eat (i.e. if it moved to this apartment with me 6 years ago and I haven’t eaten it… it can probably go) Prep for the detox made me toss old bad foods
Prepare “Emergency kit” (with non-perishable foods, change of clothes, food and water for cats)
Develop the rest of the film from my trip to Hawaii (in ’03) DONE
Sell figurines and other such collectibles I no longer want on E-bay.
Sell that old wedding dress that Sonny left on E-bay.
Learn to hang up on Jackasses I'm getting SO MUCH BETTER at this
Finish knitting my (I’m a super geek) Ravenclaw house scarf!
Write 5 more poems.
Submit at least one of those poems to a poetry contest
Call or email Dino and see how he is doing. DONE Send card to Brandy, check in on her. DONE, and I hope to visit her Fall of this year Send a card to my Grandparents Thankfully got this done before my Grandmother passed.
Put together and box up all old journals (in date order)
Finish writing this Damn List THANK YOU! completed Aug 15, 2005
NEW- Finish DOING this Damn List
Friday, August 12, 2005
"The weather is averaging around 85 degrees these days out here in Los Angeles. It's Hot. No way around that one. not much you can do to get away from it.... if you can't beat the heat, surrender to it.
Turn yourself into a lioness basking in the Serengeti heat.... Lay on your screened-in porch in the nude. Of course, it's best to do this when no one else is around. God forbid the mailman sashays by and happens to glimpse the naked lioness in you.
The heat of a life, the heat of love, the heat of living ...in this day and age.
We all have our own 'heat'. Whether you're fifteen or fifty, whether you're large or small, black or white, pink or yello, you have heat and hot and life in your body and soul...Finding your kind of 'hot' is all about what turns you on about you. What makes you feel the 'it' of you.
Write 5 things that you're 'hot' about."
1. The hard afternoon rains of Hurricane Season in the middle of a Southern Summer, and that earthy smell of wet hot grass that lingers afterwards
2. Dancing- all types, all musics, all weathers!
3. That strut I get when I feel unbeatable and incredible
4. The curve of the back of my thigh
5. The feeling of TOTALLY rocking a performance
Thursday, August 11, 2005
That’s what she said I ought to have. “The Universe has had your back a lot lately. Perhaps you oughta just go with that and trust it.”
She said the universe hadn't let me fall lately. I pointed out that in fact, it had let me fall. But was always on the sidelines with Bactine & Band-aids. Chuckling. It is a parent with a sense of humor
She’s also the sage who pointed out the my angels are not just on the job, and good at what they do... “You’re angels are BUFF, dude.” LOL
So I’m sitting here, unsure as once again a rug has been pulled out from underneath me, handing the reigns of this runaway coach over to the Buff Angel Squad, trusting that it all works out in the end.
I’ve said it before. I lead a charmed life.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Now, in my telling of the story, I feel I’ve come a long way. I handled the phone call with penache and style. Letting Jackass #312 have his say, but not letting it rile me or cause me strife. This is very different from how it would have affected me this same time last year.
But Shaz listened with the patience of a saint and then said something to the affect of (which is to say, I’m paraphrasing, because I don’t remember the actual words, but I want to convey what I felt I heard) “I want to hear this story when it finally goes like this…. Jackass starts talking, and Teece goes * mimes hanging up the phone. * No listening, no putting up with it.. just hang up. That’s the happy ending I want. You know, like in my story, the happy ending would be the Girl gets the Guy…. Well in your happy ending, you just hang the fuck up on that fucker.”
(right now, let me just say…. This was an awesome conversation with Shaz, and in the end, this is going to be a strong empowered post. So don’t ANYONE read this with ANY thought that Shaz offended me, or that I was annoyed at her comment. Cause I wasn’t!)
I heard in her words strength and concern and a great deal of love and respect for me. But for a moment I had this thought.
“THAT’s MY happy ending?!?!? You get the guy.. everyone else lives happily ever after… and I just get to be righteously mad and hang up?”
I let the moment pass, because again, I knew the healthy place that she was talking from and I get exactly why that ending is happy for the likes of me. But later, it crossed my mind again.
The happy ending at the end of my movie… is me. Just Me.
And I thought, “what kind a fucking movie is that? Who would want to see that shit?”
and then I remembered…
One of my favorite movies.
A movie I watch over and over because I LOVE the last scene… it makes me cry, it makes me laugh, it makes me want to jump up and cheer FUCK YEAH!
Yep… anyone else remember? She’s at her own wedding, about to marry a man who, while passionate, has treated her like shit. And on their wedding day, he’s late to the service because he’s (in bed) consoling his ex-girlfriend. And She gets mad about it. And she has a right to. But he belittles her. He treats her as if she should expect no better. He admits to fucking the maid and pretty much anyone else who crosses his path, but adds that when he met her, she was naught but a bimbo, pretty piece of ass who’d leap into bed with whatever took her fancy. He implies that she should consider herself lucky to be able to wed someone like him. And he calls her stupid.
And she takes that moment… that glorious moment… where she doesn’t worry about all the guests who have traveled for the wedding… or the cost of the gown… or the time she’s spent with the man. She takes that glorious moment of realizing that this is that turning point… where you stand up for yourself, or you sell yourself down the river. And she decks him!!
and she walks out the front door. She tears off the her bridal vail as her long red hair blows in the breeze… and she marches triumphantly down a tree lined street to some of the best closing credit music I have ever heard.
And you watch her walk away.
And you know she’s going to be alright.
Shaz… thank you! That’s the best goddam ending EVER.
Friday, August 05, 2005
I've noticed the last several mornings, that when i spray the tomato plants, a host of small winged insects are disturbed and go flying around. However, this morning, i saw somethign even more interesting...off the shed roof very near by, three industrious spiders have set up shop.
Now normally I am a serious arachniphobe, but this morning, i was stunned, honored even, to see the predators at work. As soon as the water hit, and the bugs began to swarm, the movement in the webs caught my eye.
All 3 spiders moved from what seemed to be a reclining position, to an "at the ready" stance. And as the panicked insects unwisely blundered into sticky web strings, the 8-legged would dance with the grace of a ballerina, over to the squirming form, and immediately begin to wrap them in silk. It was incredibly fast, incredibly deadly, and one of the most gorgeous things i've seen in a very long while.
I found myself not afraid, but just watching... stunned into a reverie. I even found myself spraying the tomatos some more, hoping to stir up another swarm, and watch the slaughter again. But alas, the spiders were not putting on some Vegas show. They were simply packing lunch and dinner, and once their coffers were full, they did not greedily go out for more. They sat by their tiny silk-wrapped sack lunches, waiting for the prey to die.
Mystical, and a little daunting. I finally tore myself away, with an increased respect for my arachnid foe.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Busy- ness prevails right now, between 3 jobs and dance class and band rehersal and the fact that i know a TON of Leos, and thus have many birthday gatherings to attend to. Add into that other social occasions, conversations with friends, lunches with co-workers (or lunches with co-workers who are friends and thus filled with aformentioned conversation). Tonight is wine club with the DW's, Sunday the band has a show. All the while i shuttle back and forth between my house and the one in Van Nuys, caring for 5 kitties and a buttload of plants.
but beyond all that, there are moments of sitting, and smiling, and life being very good.
oh sure, i have my moments of painful interactions, miscommunications. They hurt and bother me, but they don't win out. I still have the sound of Amandarin's laughter in my ears as she told me about her fabulous birthday dinner with her reconciled honey. I can see Dreamschool's grin as she listened to live music played at her behest last Friday. I remember the peace of listening to crickets in the backyard full of plants under my care. I look forward to CamShazam's smile tonight at Wine Club. And kitty nuzzles... lots of kitty nuzzles, no matter what house i'm at. (bad grammar, don't care)
Top that with the fact that in the last 36 hours i have had sushi and sake at my favorite Sushi restuarant, Ravioli and mojitos at my favorite local resturant, and a delish gyros for lunch at the perfect "fast Greek food" place near work. I am full and sastfied, in tummy and in soul.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Friday, my dearest and oldest friend aged one more time. (by oldest friend, I do mean the one who has slogged the longest amount of time in my company). She had a celebrational shindig at her abode, which I attended (after leaving work in Glendale, going to my house, feeding my cats, then driving to Van Nuys, where I am house-sitting, feeding those cats, starting a load of laundry, checking on the plants, and then driving back to Glendale). There was live music and a fantastic spread of nosh. I brought her two bottles of red for b-day gifts, and brought a bottle of champagne for myself. I wandered outside to the courtyard, to listen to the music and chat amongst mutual friends. The mutual husband of the Utah family showed up, and there was much long lost hugging.
There aren’t many words for a night full of friends and festivities, except to say that by the time the champagne bottle was finished, my stomach hurt from my laughter, my shoulders were much looser, my mouths was grinning and my soul was at peace. Hell of a way to end a Friday. I went home, curled up with my own kitties, and passed out.
Saturday- up, shower, feed cats, love on cats, drive to Van Nuys, feed and love on cats there, as well as spend 40 min watering all the plants in the house (Yep.. there’s THAT many plants). Drive to Universal City, to log in another day as a fun filled, overly perky, tour guide. Bit of a slow start to the day, but the last two tours were LITERALLY back to back (that means getting paid a ‘break penalty’). (not to mention I lunched with the ever charming MJP) Then back to wardrobe, change, drive to Van Nuys to feed and care for cats and plants. Call the fabulous Amandarin to let her know that I’m running behind for our rendezvous for Bootie L.A.
We set up a time frame to meet at my house. I finish my Valley duties and return home to quickly dress and ready for a night that was an exciting unknown waiting to be discovered. The DJ’s are off the hook, and visiting from San Fran. The crowd promises to be as mixed as the Mash-up music being played. Could be very very good. Could be “eh”.
Results: VERY VERY GOOD! OMG, the mash-up CD hasn’t left my CD player yet. My personal favorite is Gwen Stefani vs Front 242… brilliant. http://www.rebeldjs.com/A+D_HollabackHeadhunter.mp3
Dancing, drinks with Amandarin & Keith, some of the best music I’ve heard in LA, and the fantastic moment caught in these special words, “She’s doing the robot, the Tranny’s doing the Robot!” We didn’t leave till they kicked us out, and even then there was a bonus moment or two … *grin* home…. Sleep… *headpillow* lol
Sunday- Love and feed cats, drive to Van Nuys… realize half way there that keys to Van Nuys house are still on dining room table. Drive back to house, get keys, drive all the way to Van Nuys this time, feed and love on cats, take care of plants, drive to Uni already late for day 7 in my working week.
First tour was laugh out loud riot. (and made a $5 Tip!) Second tour a little slower. Lunch. Back for 3rd tour. End of day, run into and start wonderful conversation with MacDaddy. End of day comes, MD & I chatting still about life, dance and the prosperity of a universe filled with Providence. Drive back to Van Nuys to care for kitties and pass the hell out. *headfuton* ( I know.. I’m a dork)
Monday.. get up… do all again at the Mouse House. I long for a day off…. I don’t see one coming anytime soon.
Monday, August 01, 2005
It started off as a typo... but i liked it so much, i'm keeping it. And i think you should all try to fit in into conversation
Pimpersonation- when you're impersonating someone way cooler than you in an attempt to impress a member of the opposite sex.
go forth my people, and utilize it!